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A Petition to Outlaw SummitPorn

 
A Petition to Outlaw SummitPorn

Page Type: Article

Object Title: A Petition to Outlaw SummitPorn

Activities: Mountaineering

 

Page By: Deltaoperator17

Created/Edited: Aug 9, 2009 / Mar 7, 2010

Object ID: 539081

Hits: 12124 

Page Score: 99.03%  - 97 Votes 

Vote: Log in to vote

 

The Battle Begins

That’s right, you could be doing anything like mowing the yard, killing ants and bugs or even messing with your gear, but NO. She or he walks in on you and finds you visiting SummitPost.org. Crap, caught again.

In the words of the great Bob Sihler,“At home, you try to visit SP only when your spouse isn’t looking (hence the term SummitPorn), and when he or she catches you, you get that look just like the one the dog does after it pees on the couch and gets scolded for it.”

I have no interest in trying to recreate a great paragraph like that. (Thank you Robert.)

So the battle begins. Why are you on that stupid SummitPorn (note my spouse uses that phrase—she loved Bob’s article) when you could be doing the things I asked you? My reply: Uh, I duuno?

She: “There ought to be a law against that stupid site. You are always on it and you get nothing done.” Me: “I will go for a climb or a hike then.”

Fat chance buddy. You are in the hot seat and you aint getting off it that easy. 
Caught
 


Dancing with Crampons

Since joining SummitPost, I have met some WORLD Class People on the site and in person. I wrote an article that people got a kick out of and I have taken some fairly good photos. And I learned a new word, SummitPorn.

Additionally, I have had to re-learn everything from my military days like how to layer my clothing and pack my internal frame backpack with the proper essentials. And I have become addicted to gear. That’s right, another element of this sport that gets you addicted. That gear, oh I can’t contain myself. Just drop me off at REI or Benchmark and leave me. I will just shop all night long with a headlamp and sleep in one of the display tents on a 2.5 inch self-inflatable pad with a down zero-degree bag and eat mountain house for dinner.

And if you find millions of tiny little holes in the carpet the next morning, it’s because I tried on crampons and danced all night to the soundtrack of Saturday Night Fever.

Ok, back to the point. I am at work and my server won’t let me access Dingus Milktoast's page —it keeps calling it nudity. So I go to The Chief's page —blocked from that one because of profanity. Of course we can’t forget to mention the Kiefer Thomas famous self portrait that make company CIO’s cringe when they see it and hey, how do you explain to your wife that the Women of SummitPost's page album is important data that you are gathering for your next journey?

A new word for Wikipedia?

Pop ups? WE don’t need no stinking pop ups; our finger can click that mouse and open up Trip Reports, Articles, Pictures and have a conversation on the forums and PNP all at the same time

Well, maybe they have us after all. Say it isn’t so. PLEASE don’t outlaw SummitPorn. I don’t think I want to be in jail with some of the people on this site.

The following word and description will be submitted to Wikipedia:
“SummitPorn is the depiction of explicit mountaineering subject matter for the purpose of exciting the viewer. SummitPorn makes no claim to artistic merit, unlike erotica, which does.”


If a petition to outlaw SummitPorn crosses your path, rip it up, burn it, stuff it in your mouth and chew it up. I am certain that all NON SummitPost members who have a SummitPost Member in their house are pushing for this ban.

Meanwhile, did you know you can access SummitPost on your PDA phone like your Blackberry, Palm or iPhone?

Bow chica chica bow bow—what? Dang it, someone is coming—hurry, stuff it under the bed like the naughty book that it is. Oh, Hi Honey. She: “Oh don’t hi Honey me, you look guilty. Seriously? You have SP up on your Blackberry? I think its time we go find some professional help.

Rock on Brothers and Sisters!









Images

Gopher Snake RomanceMOLLIES NIPPLE photoWild Thang, I Think I Love YouCaughtThe Wild Thing in Icebox CanyonElk PornBears Do It
God only knows...The Author of SummitPorn?Cuicocha lizardsGearMating WaterbugsLadybugs Mating.Header

Comments


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Viewing: 21-40 of 59 « PREV 1 2 3 NEXT » 

lcarreauRe: Good article

lcarreau

Voted 10/10

NOT ONCE has my spouse taken my pizza and beer away from me!

But then, I volunteer to go hiking/shopping with her to lose weight!

: )))
Posted Aug 12, 2009 6:32 pm

lcarreauHey Steve-o !

lcarreau

Voted 10/10

Here's another one you might want to add to the article.

Of course, better get their permission first!
Posted Aug 12, 2009 7:09 pm

Boriss AndeanGetting caught? :(

Boriss Andean

Voted 10/10

If I'd get caught... as you said, I guess I would have that look just like the one the dog does after it pees on the couch and gets scolded for it.

Really good article Deltaoperator17!
Posted Aug 14, 2009 5:38 pm

Deltaoperator17Re: Getting caught? :(

Deltaoperator17

Hasn't voted

Thank you Borriss! That line you quote is the proud baby of master Bob Sihler...LOL
Posted Aug 17, 2009 12:35 am

lcarreauRe: summit-what?

lcarreau

Voted 10/10

That's the whole point - some folks "can't" stop looking at it !!!

And, the person who coined the phrase "SummitPorn" lives in Utah !!!

(I think we should BAN everything, and start over again!)

For crying out loud ... we're all in this together.
Posted Aug 17, 2009 12:37 am

Deltaoperator17Re: summit-what?

Deltaoperator17

Hasn't voted

Uh, its not really about porn, it a humor article about how we act like its porn and have the guilty looks when we get caught.

The “Ban” or “Petition” is the resistance we get from our NON SummitPost companions, family and friends. Go ahead and read it again and laugh ...hope you enjoy it the second time around.

Kindest Regards,

Steve
Posted Aug 17, 2009 12:41 am

lcarreauRe: summit-what?

lcarreau

Voted 10/10

Got to realize that when reality is staring you in the face,
some people are forced to panic and miserably FAIL to see the HUMOR
that exists behind the mask of Society.

Get it ??? ??
Posted Aug 17, 2009 9:12 pm

mvshilarious

mvs

Voted 10/10

really true!
Posted Aug 17, 2009 9:11 am

Deltaoperator17Re: hilarious

Deltaoperator17

Hasn't voted

Danke Mike. Yes, the truth sometimes really hurts! LOL Thank you for your kind words and vote.

Cheers!

Steve
Posted Aug 22, 2009 12:35 am

mylesI'm hopeless

myles

Voted 10/10

Been working out of a home office for almost four years. There's no hope for my addiction.
Posted Aug 17, 2009 2:12 pm

Deltaoperator17Re: I'm hopeless

Deltaoperator17

Hasn't voted

No hope at all!.. Ha Ha. You just find yourself glaring at the screen like you are in a trance!

It is hopeless (but a lot of fun)
Posted Aug 22, 2009 12:37 am

Judd97Nice

Judd97

Voted 10/10

Veeeeery nice! Even now that I am back on the east coast; I still find myself drooling over pictures and accounts of various... erm... tetons.
Posted Aug 17, 2009 9:44 pm

Deltaoperator17Re: Nice

Deltaoperator17

Hasn't voted

Yes, those TETons are hard to pull away from...LOL

Thank you
Posted Aug 22, 2009 12:38 am

Bob SihlerWell, Steve...

Bob Sihler

Voted 10/10

I just got Internet access for the first time in 8 days. What was the first thing I did, do you think? Did I check e-mail for anything from my parents, who are watching two of the kids? Did I check on a restaurant menu so my wife and I could order dinner? Did I check us in for tomorrow's flight, as my wife asked me to?

No, I went on SP.

But at the risk of disappointing you, I have to share that my wife is a little more tolerant of the site than she used to be. She doesn't like all my solo trips into Montana and Wyoming, but in the past few years, I've gone climbing several times with others I've met through the site. Now she begrudgingly accepts that SP has some value!
Posted Aug 17, 2009 11:46 pm

lcarreauRe: Well, Steve...

lcarreau

Voted 10/10

Welcome back, Mister Bob !!!

The truth is, SP has more value than anyone could ever fathom.

And, before I get myself in too deep, perhaps I should let Steve have center stage for a moment.

Where's Steve - out eating pizza with the wife ???
Posted Aug 18, 2009 12:44 am

DeanRe: Well, Steve...

Dean

Voted 10/10

Rumor has it that Steve is trying to sell his Oregon Duck football tickets and was last seen trying to hawk them near the Boise airport. Poor guy, who'd want to buy Duckie tickets?
Posted Aug 20, 2009 10:49 pm

Deltaoperator17Re: Well, Steve...

Deltaoperator17

Hasn't voted

Deano,

There are many a Husky fan that would love to watch a winning Pac Ten program for a change, so maybe those dawg fans would enjoy the tickets.
Posted Aug 21, 2009 3:37 pm

Deltaoperator17Re: Well, Steve...

Deltaoperator17

Hasn't voted

Bob,

You are definitely addicted and I can relate to going right to SP before family duties.

Glad you are back and most happy Mrs. S is tolerant of your obsession...errrr I mean hobby
Posted Aug 22, 2009 12:42 am

nickkarlPriceless

nickkarl

Voted 10/10

That was another great write up. Thanks. It will get me through another day at work.
Posted Aug 18, 2009 2:17 pm

Deltaoperator17Re: Priceless

Deltaoperator17

Hasn't voted

N,

Thank you my DUCK brother!

S
Posted Aug 21, 2009 3:34 pm

Viewing: 21-40 of 59 « PREV 1 2 3 NEXT »