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A Petition to Outlaw SummitPorn

 
A Petition to Outlaw SummitPorn

Page Type: Article

Object Title: A Petition to Outlaw SummitPorn

Activities: Mountaineering

 

Page By: Deltaoperator17

Created/Edited: Aug 9, 2009 / Mar 7, 2010

Object ID: 539081

Hits: 12614 

Page Score: 99.03%  - 97 Votes 

Vote: Log in to vote

 

The Battle Begins

That’s right, you could be doing anything like mowing the yard, killing ants and bugs or even messing with your gear, but NO. She or he walks in on you and finds you visiting SummitPost.org. Crap, caught again.

In the words of the great Bob Sihler,“At home, you try to visit SP only when your spouse isn’t looking (hence the term SummitPorn), and when he or she catches you, you get that look just like the one the dog does after it pees on the couch and gets scolded for it.”

I have no interest in trying to recreate a great paragraph like that. (Thank you Robert.)

So the battle begins. Why are you on that stupid SummitPorn (note my spouse uses that phrase—she loved Bob’s article) when you could be doing the things I asked you? My reply: Uh, I duuno?

She: “There ought to be a law against that stupid site. You are always on it and you get nothing done.” Me: “I will go for a climb or a hike then.”

Fat chance buddy. You are in the hot seat and you aint getting off it that easy. 
Caught
 


Dancing with Crampons

Since joining SummitPost, I have met some WORLD Class People on the site and in person. I wrote an article that people got a kick out of and I have taken some fairly good photos. And I learned a new word, SummitPorn.

Additionally, I have had to re-learn everything from my military days like how to layer my clothing and pack my internal frame backpack with the proper essentials. And I have become addicted to gear. That’s right, another element of this sport that gets you addicted. That gear, oh I can’t contain myself. Just drop me off at REI or Benchmark and leave me. I will just shop all night long with a headlamp and sleep in one of the display tents on a 2.5 inch self-inflatable pad with a down zero-degree bag and eat mountain house for dinner.

And if you find millions of tiny little holes in the carpet the next morning, it’s because I tried on crampons and danced all night to the soundtrack of Saturday Night Fever.

Ok, back to the point. I am at work and my server won’t let me access Dingus Milktoast's page —it keeps calling it nudity. So I go to The Chief's page —blocked from that one because of profanity. Of course we can’t forget to mention the Kiefer Thomas famous self portrait that make company CIO’s cringe when they see it and hey, how do you explain to your wife that the Women of SummitPost's page album is important data that you are gathering for your next journey?

A new word for Wikipedia?

Pop ups? WE don’t need no stinking pop ups; our finger can click that mouse and open up Trip Reports, Articles, Pictures and have a conversation on the forums and PNP all at the same time

Well, maybe they have us after all. Say it isn’t so. PLEASE don’t outlaw SummitPorn. I don’t think I want to be in jail with some of the people on this site.

The following word and description will be submitted to Wikipedia:
“SummitPorn is the depiction of explicit mountaineering subject matter for the purpose of exciting the viewer. SummitPorn makes no claim to artistic merit, unlike erotica, which does.”


If a petition to outlaw SummitPorn crosses your path, rip it up, burn it, stuff it in your mouth and chew it up. I am certain that all NON SummitPost members who have a SummitPost Member in their house are pushing for this ban.

Meanwhile, did you know you can access SummitPost on your PDA phone like your Blackberry, Palm or iPhone?

Bow chica chica bow bow—what? Dang it, someone is coming—hurry, stuff it under the bed like the naughty book that it is. Oh, Hi Honey. She: “Oh don’t hi Honey me, you look guilty. Seriously? You have SP up on your Blackberry? I think its time we go find some professional help.

Rock on Brothers and Sisters!









Images

Gopher Snake RomanceMOLLIES NIPPLE photoWild Thang, I Think I Love YouCaughtThe Wild Thing in Icebox CanyonElk PornBears Do It
God only knows...The Author of SummitPorn?Cuicocha lizardsGearLadybugs Mating.Mating WaterbugsHeader

Comments


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Viewing: 41-59 of 59 « PREV 1 2 3 NEXT »

Nyle WaltonMuch needed.

Nyle Walton

Hasn't voted

What else to those mighty mountain climbers have to look at during those days' long storms in the Korakoram?
Posted Aug 20, 2009 11:21 am

Deltaoperator17Re: Much needed.

Deltaoperator17

Hasn't voted

Yes sir you maybe right. Of course they will have to be able to get a wireless internet signal...LOL
Posted Aug 26, 2009 4:10 pm

xpdasummitporn.com

xpda

Hasn't voted

This domain has not been registered. You could make almost zero dollars per day with this domain! You could even put in a redirect to the legit site of your choice... although I wouldn't be so brash as to suggest one.
Posted Aug 20, 2009 2:14 pm

Deltaoperator17Re: summitporn.com

Deltaoperator17

Hasn't voted

Of course you wouldnt...I hate those re-directs...LOL thank you for checking out for me.
Posted Aug 26, 2009 4:12 pm

MountaingirlBCGuilty as charged

MountaingirlBC

Voted 10/10

... yeah I have SP on my Blackberry.
Posted Aug 20, 2009 4:17 pm

lcarreauRe: Guilty as charged...

lcarreau

Voted 10/10

That reminds me; I need to leave my desk long enough to go out
and pick some REAL blackberries, for crying out loud !!!

Posted Aug 20, 2009 10:30 pm

Deltaoperator17Re: Guilty as charged

Deltaoperator17

Hasn't voted

Yes, and looking at it while you are doing your famous Summit Hero cartwheels...LOL
Posted Aug 21, 2009 3:32 pm

lcarreauRe: Guilty as charged

lcarreau

Voted 10/10

I'd rather be eating some freshly-baked blackberry pie right now! : ))
Posted Aug 21, 2009 7:17 pm

NoonduelerNot too shabby!

Noondueler

Voted 10/10

I'm single and live alone. Only my 20 lb. cat, "The Duck" imposes on my SP reveries when he wants loving attention of which he can't get enough! I just got back the internet after losing it for the last week and I tell ya...! It took a little while to get used to not having it, especially SP! Actually it was a good experience. Gave me a chance to deepen my sense of meditation through the study of spiritual literature. At first I was like..."whaddam I gonna do now"?? But I relaxed and took it as welcome break.
Posted Aug 22, 2009 6:35 pm

slowbutsteadyI 'm crestfallen !!

slowbutsteady

Voted 10/10

My "Love on the Rocks" image posted in: Danger!! Humorous Album has only received one vote. And yes, I spend at least an hour a day on SP. I enjoy your sense of humor. Thanks.
Posted Aug 22, 2009 8:55 pm

lcarreauRe: I 'm crestfallen !!

lcarreau

Voted 10/10

Make that TWO votes, Slow-But-Steady!

Just give it time! "Love conquers all" is what they say.
Posted Aug 22, 2009 10:57 pm

Deltaoperator17Re: I 'm crestfallen !!

Deltaoperator17

Hasn't voted

Thank you sir Charles! I appreciate the props!
Posted Aug 24, 2009 10:43 pm

Liba Kopeckovaluckily, I do not have one (spouse)...

Liba Kopeckova

Voted 10/10

I guess I do not have to worry about being caught, but I can imagine it does create a lot of problems for many people on this site. It is quiet addicting, and time spending site! But so much fun.
Posted Sep 3, 2009 9:49 am

Deltaoperator17Re: luckily, I do not have one (spouse)...

Deltaoperator17

Hasn't voted

Thank you Liba! Yea probably doesn’t have the same effect if there is no significant other that it needs to be hidden from. ;-)

And the Grasshoppers, I am sure Dow was just being nice pinning it on "Dirty Old Men", it is very funny.

Thank you for you vote!

Steve
Posted Sep 3, 2009 11:00 am

Deltaoperator17Re: I'm bowled-over howlin'!!

Deltaoperator17

Hasn't voted

Hey Alec,

Yes, that would be yet another direction to take this...LOL Thanks for your vote and support of "SummitPorn"

Cheers

Steve
Posted Sep 14, 2009 5:13 pm

mrchad9Re: Find a good dvd conversion tool?

mrchad9

Voted 10/10

How about a good sexual orientation conversion tool? I need one of those. I want to be a hermaphrodite.
Posted Dec 13, 2012 3:14 am

boyblue"Sigh..."

boyblue

Voted 10/10

A few years back I had one of my trip reports featured on the front page. I was very excited and ran to get my wife.

"Hon, I'm on the front page of SummitPost!"

"Really?" She comes in and squints at the screen. "So, who's this 'boyblue'?

"Uh... that's me... my avatar..."

"You're kidding! So, how much did they pay you?"

"Err... nothing. I enjoyed doing it and the recognition is kind of fun..."

"Don't forget my parents are coming this afternoon. I thought you were going to help me clean the house."

I'm probably exaggerating a little, but that's kind of how I remember it...
I gotta admit that I probably react the same way when she talks about her Facebook stuff. :-)
Posted May 1, 2013 8:01 pm

mike_lindacherbrilliant...

mike_lindacher

Voted 10/10

good work here
Posted May 1, 2013 11:12 pm

Nick TurturaSP'er Problems

Nick Turtura

Hasn't voted

My wife calls it Mapsterbating!
Posted Oct 28, 2013 10:44 pm

Viewing: 41-59 of 59 « PREV 1 2 3 NEXT »