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Got a Problem?

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Got a Problem?

Page Type: Article

Object Title: Got a Problem?

 

Page By: Bob Sihler

Created/Edited: Dec 19, 2007 / Aug 29, 2010

Object ID: 366403

Hits: 12435 

Page Score: 98.3%  - 80 Votes 

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Admit It

There she lay, sultry as the sweltering August night, beckoning with more than just that curling index finger, her siren song mute but as maddening as the voices that called Greek sailors to their doom. The false moonlight of the streetlamps, pushing through the half-closed blinds, painted her cascading hair the same silver it did the wisps of smoke from the burning cigarette, smoldering in its bedside ashtray, that would be finished between neither her lips nor mine; and the intruding slants of light threw shadows on her in all the right places and accented each of her curves, which were in all the right places, too. Yes, I had a job to do, and that duty called, but so did being a man.

The above is

a. an excerpt from a bad hard-boiled detective novel.
b. an account of one’s love life before marriage.
c. an account of one’s love life before kids.
d. an account of one’s love life before joining SummitPost.
e. b, c, and d.

For our purposes here, we’ll select d, though some of us might want to pick e.

And if you chose d, you might be a SummitPost addict.

A WARNING BEFORE YOU READ ON: This article is an attempt at humor. You may not find it funny, but try to understand the lighthearted intent. I know some think articles should be strictly instructional and about mountaineering and climbing, and if you know you’re one of them, please do yourself a favor and stop reading here. But I do hope we can once in a while laugh and not take things so seriously. If you can’t laugh at yourself over something here, maybe you take yourself and this site too seriously (or maybe I’m just not any good at humor). So I hope you like it. If you read it and don’t, though, I’m sorry for wasting your time. And if you have any suggestions to add to the “list,” please share them.

Other signs of being an SP addict, in no particular order:

• Before you go to work in the morning, you turn on the computer to check what’s happening on SP, even if the kids are crying upstairs and you’re running late.
• You have wasted break time at work by visiting SP.
• While at work, you wish you could see what’s happening on SP.
• Checking SP is the first thing you do when you get home from work.
• Only while climbing or hiking do you totally forget about SP, if even then.
• You had to keep checking for the latest from Mel Torino.
• You thought Mel Torino might have been the best thing to have happened to SP in a long while.
• You get the references to having the sunburn to prove it and about REI’s being soft that sometimes appear in forum threads.
• You know which SP member has a thing for llamas and which one is good for posting pictures of girls with guns.
• When SP was down for several days in the spring of 2007, you didn’t know what to do with yourself if the weather was crappy and you weren’t at work.
• When SP was down, you checked at least three times a day to see if it was back up. Sometimes when you checked and saw it wasn’t back up, you clicked right back on before shutting your computer down, just in case SP had just come back.
• You or your spouse, or, to be politically correct, your significant other, became pregnant while SP was down. (Hey, what else was there to do?)
• SP is on your Favorites list and you sometimes click on it even though you had intended to click on something else.
• At home, you try to visit SP only when your spouse isn’t looking (hence the term SummitPorn), and when he or she catches you, you get that look just like the one the dog does after it pees on the couch and gets scolded for it.
• You frequently have another tab open while on SP so you can quickly switch to it if your spouse or boss (perhaps one and the same) approaches.
• Your spouse joined SP so s/he could communicate with you.
• You've taken a “quick look” at SP while company was over.
• Instead of just ending your session, you ever resorted to posting on PnP because there weren’t any threads in the regular forum that interested you.
• You’ve posted on the forum three or more times on a given day, sometimes several hours apart.
• You’ve ever taken a picture and thought, “This will look good on SP.”
• You took a personal interest in the melodrama over the banning of a kid.
• You really think SP should pay you for the work you put into it.
• You have taken part in a thread about Power Points or the voting system.
• You’ve already read this far into this stupid article.

I am proud to say that I am not guilty of ALL of these, but I’m ashamed to say that I’m guilty of most. And I’ll bet many other SP members are, too. The more of these that apply to you, the more likely it is that you have an SP dependency.

The disapproving looks I get from my wife (the ones I get when I’m on SP, I mean, not the ones I get the rest of the time) sometimes make me wonder if being a member of SP is a good or a bad thing for my marriage. In one sense, I assert it’s good; it keeps me occupied and away from doing other things that irritate my wife, such as providing intelligent conversation and seeing that the kitchen sink stays clear of dirty dishes (another great thing about SP is that I can crack on my wife without her knowing). On the other hand, I see the frowns floating my way when she KNOWS, and I suspect she thinks I could spend my time better by folding my towel properly or running around the house with our son and singing songs from the Cars soundtrack or pretending to be trains (yes, that happens almost nightly in the Sihler household; it’s actually a good way of getting some aerobic exercise since having children has pretty much destroyed the exercise and workout schedule I used to keep).

The lady doth protest too much, methinks. Instead of being on SP, I could be doing one or more of the following:

• Chasing other women.
• Complaining of boredom.
• Discussing politics.
• Watching dirty movies (well, there might be a few things better than mountains and SP).
• Climbing more and giving her more reasons to worry.
• Doing drugs.
• Drinking (well, since I’m as guilty of Drunk SummitPosting as many of the rest of you are, maybe that’s not such a good example).

She would respond that I could do useful things such as cleaning the bathrooms or vacuuming, but let’s be real. Cleaning the bathroom, according to me, takes just a few seconds; you spray the toilet with bleach, let all the mold drip into the water, and flush. Very simple. And vacuuming? Come on. I don’t even know where the vacuum cleaner is or how to turn the thing on, and I believe in cleaning the floor only when there’s a visible mess such as a pile of dirt, not for the theoretical dirt I hear is all over the place.

So maybe I do have a problem. And maybe you do, too. What’s the cure? Get out and climb more? But you still have to come home. And then you’ll look. You know it.

Help!

Additions by Other SP members

More Signs You Might Have an Addiction to SP

From brendon:
You've ever been shamed into logging out by that red "Online Now!" on your profile page.

From GoingUp:

• You don't have SP in your favorites because it's always in your address bar history and you can type summitpost.org in milliseconds anyway.
• You’ve climbed a mountain just to to be able to get it on SP.
• You know what an Ivano Ghirardini route description looks like, or even what the "Chamonix Mafia" is...

From F Rhoderick: Your wife refers to the SP community as "your other family".

Inspired by Dennis Poulin: You or your spouse thinks of SP as mountain porn.

From Kamil: [You're] thinking of the sentences you're gonna write in your trip report while being in the mountains [added by author-- or the sentences for the mountain or route page].

From Mark Doiron:

1. What the heck is up with this bookmark SP stuff? SP is your home page! You relish the opportunity to click on the Internet icon on your desktop because the first thing you'll see is your profile page on SP.

2. It's all about power points. You add a comment to a forum discussion or another object just because you think it will be enough to get you one more power point. Then, you check back every few minutes to see if your power points have ratcheted up by that one!

From eric b: Checking SP before I climb a mountain and not finding it. Going to the mountain, climbing it, taking pictures, thinking they would look good in your article and thinking of all of the great things you want to say ONLY TO COME HOME AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE ALREADY DID IT (it just wasn't located under the logical heading) AND WHATS WORSE? YOU KNOW THAT YOUR PAGE WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH BETTER!!!

From saintgrizzly:
Taking a "quick look" at SP not when company's over, but using their computer when you're visiting THEM!

-----

Thanks, everyone!

Images

Look Familiar?

Comments


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Viewing: 41-60 of 82 « PREV 1 2 3 4 5 NEXT » 

Bob SihlerRe: humor achieved

Bob Sihler

Hasn't voted

Thank you, John. I actually wrote this back in May or June (added a couple things before posting), but I wavered for a long time because I wondered if a lot of people would just think it was stupid. I'm glad to see that it's gotten some good feedback.

By the way, I haven't forgotten about our tentative plans for SNP, but I just haven't had the time to get out lately. I might sneal out tomorrow or Wednesday, the days that right now look the best of the week. I recently adopted the pages for Old Rag, Neighbor Mountain, and Knob Mountain, so I'd like to get some new shots to add to the pages. Tomorrow's unlikely since relatives will be over later in the day, but maybe Wednesday. How much advance notive do you need? And do you have any preferences among, or even interest in, those mountains? I would do Knob and Neighbor together, by the way.

Bob
Posted Dec 23, 2007 3:35 pm

jvarholakRe: humor achieved

jvarholak

Hasn't voted

Certainly interested in Knob and Neighbor (sounds a bit "kinky" , not that there's anything wrong with that!! but I just don't roll that way :)....would you be accessing via jeremy's run and AT? 12/26 or 12/27 would be my only options this week....let me know and have a great Christmas.
john
Posted Dec 24, 2007 9:20 am

NikmanMy wife says:

Nikman

Voted 10/10

I am guilty, too!
And I say: she is damn right!

So where is the article, that explains a way "how to get rid of your partners discussions and impeachments" because of someones addiction?
Posted Dec 24, 2007 3:46 am

Bob SihlerRe: My wife says:

Bob Sihler

Hasn't voted

It's waiting for you to write it!
Posted Dec 24, 2007 5:26 pm

Jeroen VelsLike a mirror...

Jeroen Vels

Hasn't voted

thanks a lot Bob this article, I loved it! And I must say that I'm guilty too :-)
Actually, I could shut down the PC and have a coffee with my wife..... but hey, who am I kidding ;-)

Cheers,
Jeroen
Posted Dec 25, 2007 2:33 pm

Bob SihlerRe: Like a mirror...

Bob Sihler

Hasn't voted

Thank you, Jeroen, and don't feel guilty. It's our wives that need to change, not us. And you heard that here on SP!
Posted Dec 26, 2007 9:35 pm

Dennis PoulinMountain Porn

Dennis Poulin

Voted 10/10

Not me, no way am I addicted. I only answered yes to 13 1/2 of the 23 bullet points and 2 of the 5 additions. That's not even 60%. Do I get points for posting comments?
Posted Dec 26, 2007 1:24 pm

Bob SihlerRe: Mountain Porn

Bob Sihler

Hasn't voted

Mountain Porn-- I like it. I'll have to work that in.

Instead of "addicted," perhaps you have a "tendency" or an "inclination." Gotta love euphemisms.

Plus, we don't have problems; we're just victims. It's the people who think we have problems who really have the problems.
Posted Dec 26, 2007 9:39 pm

kamillauged my arse off!

kamil

Voted 10/10

of course many of those points apply to me :)
would add one more:
* thinking of the sentences you're gonna write in your trip report while being in the mountains

cheers,
kamil
Posted Dec 27, 2007 10:28 am

Bob SihlerRe: lauged my arse off!

Bob Sihler

Hasn't voted

Thank you-- and I am going to add your idea to the list! I am certainly guilty of working on mountain and route pages as I am on a mountain. The trip reports usually come later, after reflection, but it's the same idea. Thanks again!
Posted Dec 27, 2007 8:27 pm

Mark DoironFunny Stuff!

Mark Doiron

Voted 10/10

Funny stuff, Bob. I certainly saw a little of myself (okay, maybe a little more than a little). But, you missed a couple things, I think:

1. What the heck is up with this bookmark SP stuff? SP is your home page! You relish the opportunity to click on the Internet icon on your desktop because the first thing you'll see is your profile page on SP.

2. It's all about power points. You add a comment to a forum discussion or another object just because you think it will be enough to get you one more power point. Then, you check back every few minutes to see if your power points have ratcheted up by that one!

--mark d.
Posted Dec 29, 2007 6:54 am

Bob SihlerRe: Funny Stuff!

Bob Sihler

Hasn't voted

Added, Mark-- be careful what you wish for!
Posted Dec 30, 2007 12:31 am

KaneLots of addicts

Kane

Voted 10/10

I'm less an addict than last year. Here's something that will make you wonder. On Christmas morning, before the kids came crashing down the stairs, I jumped on SP, considering I wouldn't get back to the site for the rest of the day. I went to "Memebers" and saw at leasd 90% of the top members had been "active" already that morning! SCARY!
Posted Dec 29, 2007 9:12 pm

Bob SihlerRe: Lots of addicts

Bob Sihler

Hasn't voted

Can you hear me laughing? That sounds almost exactly like my Christmas this year! After my early peek, I slunk around all day waiting for my chance to look, finally getting to somewhere around 10 P.M.
Posted Dec 29, 2007 9:57 pm

Tie-Dye MikeWere you watching me???

Tie-Dye Mike

Voted 10/10

How did you know Bob???
• When SP was down for several days this past spring, you checked at least three times a day to see if it was back up. Sometimes when you checked and saw it wasn’t back up, you clicked right back on before shutting your computer down, just in case SP had just come back.

I was hoping SP could be considered an addiction...I was wondering why I was going thru withdrawals this spring...Great read Bob!!
Posted Jan 3, 2008 6:42 pm

Bob SihlerRe: Were you watching me???

Bob Sihler

Hasn't voted

Thanks, Mike.

Hey, since addiction is a disease, I imagine some people are already pressing for full coverage of addiction treatment by health plans. So just think-- maybe someday soon, your health insurance may reimburse you somehow for your time on SP.
Posted Jan 3, 2008 9:43 pm

eric bChecking SP before

eric b

Voted 10/10

I climb a mountain and not finding it. Going to the mountain climbing it, taking pictures thinking they would look good in your article and all of the great things you want to say ONLY TO COME HOME AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE ALREADY DID IT (it just wasn't located under the logical heading) AND WHATS WORSE? YOU KNOW THAT YOUR PAGE WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH BETTER!!!
Posted Jan 9, 2008 8:27 pm

Bob SihlerRe: Checking SP before

Bob Sihler

Hasn't voted

I think I'll add that one, Eric. That hasn't happened to me exactly that way, but something similar did. I had made plans for a certain peak and to make a page for it, and about a week before I left home, someone put up a page for it (and it wasn't too good).
Posted Jan 9, 2008 9:17 pm

eric bRe: Checking SP before

eric b

Voted 10/10

Thats what happened to me and I was like "how could I not have seen that it was already done? damn I should have gone to this other mountain instead!" Thats when I settled for writing a trip report instead of a Mountain & Rock page. I was also thinking, I bet this person just whipped this page out to increase his points, he didn't even have a primary image photo!
An amusing article to say the least, you mention alot of thigs people think but Never would dare say.
Posted Jan 10, 2008 3:29 pm

Winter8000mAddiction

Winter8000m

Hasn't voted

I dont have an adiction with sp
I can quit going anytime
I want, I just dont want to.
Pretty funny
Posted Jan 9, 2008 9:24 pm

Viewing: 41-60 of 82 « PREV 1 2 3 4 5 NEXT »