| | Matterhorn  Pointy! | Drygarn Fawr  Indistinct! |
| Height | Lets get down to brass tax as it were, height is important and at 4478m the Matterhorn is a beast by any standard, ranked 23rd in the Alps its quite a mountain. Climbing a mountain of this size will definitely impress the ladies (or gentlemen) down the pub. 10 POINTS | At only 645m Drygarn Fawr only just exceeds 2000ft making it a small mountain even by British standards. Climbing it is going to impress no one, not even your mam. 0 POINTS |
| Shape | Its unique pyramidal shape makes for an exceptionally stunning and beautiful mountain. With narrow ridges and vertical cliff faces it has everything a mountain should have; the Matterhorn truly is the super-model of peaks. 10 POINTS | Well it doesn’t really have much of a shape at all, it's just a small rounded summit that is slightly higher than the plateau it sits upon. To be fair you would be hard pressed to realise that there’s a mountain here at all. 0 POINTS |
| Summit | A small summit with great big steep cliffs on every side, the Matterhorn has a proper mountain summit. What more can be said? 10 POINTS | Not so much a summit as just a slightly higher flat bit, you could land a jumbo jet on it (well maybe that’s an exaggeration but you could get a Chinook on it at the very least). You could quite easily play a game of five-a-side. It does have a rather nice Stone Age cairn though, which counts for something. 1 POINT |
| Routes | With one of the hardest ‘normal’ routes in the Alps, the Matterhorn is a challenge for all but the most experienced of mountaineers. Requiring proper climbing skills whatever way you choose to climb, there is no question that when you climb the Matterhorn you are climbing a true mountain. 10 POINTS | Although quite long the routes up Drygarn Fawr are very gradual rising slowly from the valley onto its plateau. There’s no technical climbing, and nothing that will particularly excite; they do offer a nice bit of tranquility though. 0 POINTS |
| View | Probably one of the best views in the world – from Mont Blanc, Dent d’Herens and Grand Combin in the west to the northern giants of Dent Blanche, Obergabelhorn, Zinalrothorn and Weisshorn to the Mischabel group with Dom, Taschhorn, Alphubel, Allalinhorn, Rimpfischhorn and Stralhorn and further to Monte Rosa, to the Liskamm and the Breithorn in the east. A resounding: 10 POINTS | One expansive sweeping panorama of mostly plateau, bog, mire and sky. If you like a lot of sky this is great. Sort of lacks scale, and has been described as ‘unsettling’ mostly due to there not really being any landmarks. I like it though. 1 POINT |
| Photographability | The Matterhorn is one of the most photographed mountains in the world. Sharp, dramatic, and able to instill both fear and awe at the same time, it could have been designed specifically for the purpose of photographing. 10 POINTS | The fact that the mountain doesn’t really have much of a shape makes it a little bit hard to photograph. But with a lot of imagination and a bit of luck a great photograph is probably not beyond the realms of possibility. 0 POINTS |
| Access | With Zermatt only a stones through away with trains, cable cars and stupid electric buggies wizzing all over the place, the base of the Matterhorn is pretty easy to get to, and with the Hörnli Hut located just underneath the Hörnligrat Ridge things just couldn’t be much more convenient. 10 POINTS | It's located right in the middle of nowhere, miles and miles and miles from the nearest village, and with only a couple of small roads going anywhere near it, the mountain could hardly be said to be within easy reach. And sods law is that you’ll get stuck behind some swine in a tractor or a damn Sunday driver who won’t pull over and it’ll take even longer. 0 POINTS |
| Visits | The Matterhorn gets so many visits that in the summer months, when conditions are right, the main route to the top is a bit like queuing for a supermarket checkout. Normally this would be a bad thing, but as this is Top Trumps the greater the quantity the greater the points, so the Matterhorn is awarded: 10 POINTS | Practically nobody visits Drygarn Fawr. Some people might drive around it, or picnic next to the reservoirs of the Elan Valley, but few bother to ascend its slopes and cross its bogs to get to the summit. This is one of the mountains strongest points, however this is Top Trumps so its 0 POINTS |
| Number of names | Matterhorn Monte Cervino, Monte Cervino Matterhorn, one mountain, two names, and top marks. 10 POINTS | With only one name Drygarn Fawr puts in a poor show on the name competition. Only having one name is nothing short of disgraceful. 0 POINTS |
| Vast areas of unconstrained marsh, bog and mire. AND THIS IS THE IMPORTANT ONE | With only steep rocky cliff faces surrounded by glaciers and more steep rocky cliff faces there isn’t much room for wet marshy expanses of land on the Matterhorn. This utter lack of essential wetland badly lets the mountain down. 0 POINTS | Drygarn Fawr has miles upon miles of wet bogland and mire extending as far as the eye can see. The carpark is surrounded by bog, the plateau surrounding the summit is almost entirely bog, and the summit itself has bog on it. In fact there is so much bog, marsh and mire that it would be quite easy to dispose of a body in it and it never be discovered, not that I would ever advocate that kind of thing of course. 100 POINTS |
| TOTAL | THE LOSER! Leading throughout, the Matterhorn looked invincible but was let down badly by a complete lack of bog. Something all the pointyness in the world can’t make up for. 90 POINTS | THE WINNER! Things were looking a bit shaky for Drygarn Fawr, however thanks to a complete over abundance of bog the mountain trumps home with a resounding victorty. 102 POINTS! |
