There I was, atop the "Dominatrix Without Mercy"---not the killer boulder problem out near Cochise Stronghold in AZ, and not the somewhat scary gal I occasionally visit, but the premier route found on Black Rock, the 500' granite spire hidden amongst project buildings in the Lower Bronx---and I was looking to set up a combo hanging belay and rappel anchor, 10-4??? We buy our lead ropes by the spool, not the coil, you understand. Had my hand bitten by a Cujo Bat while blindly searching for good anchor placements, but the bat only bit me once before I fished it out and macked it Ozzy-style, so I let that one slide. No worries. Finally opted for short stacks of double-ought RPs self-equalized behind an expanding flake: totally bombproof, unless a quake hits while you're handling your business. And wouldn't ya know it??? Just as my partner was halfway up the spire, the Five Boroughs got hammered by a quake that registered 9.2 on the Richter Scale... my partner promptly peeled off dime-thin edges like a wingsuit pilot/circus acrobat, courtesy of all the slack I gave that fool for freedom of movement. Never got any thanks for providing all that slack in the rope either, belay slave scene be damned.
Next thing I know, my primo RP anchor got yanked and ejected like an unruly Raiders fan (drunk, no hope of making the playoffs), and I found myself hurtling toward the deck, all lower placements explosively zippering like some cheesy Hollywood movie sequence involving Mideastern terrorists. Fortunately, my partner (also falling) got hung up talking to some crack ho, which allowed the now-slack top-shelf Walmart rope to "drift" in the breeze and catch upon a nearby building projection... in the meantime, I struck an errant NOAA weather balloon which helped slow my descent, and my deadly fall was arrested at the last nanosecond. I wound up dangling 10' above ground, until a stray bullet from a drug deal gone wrong parted my rope and saved me the trouble of breaking out the Jumars. Not such a good thing for my partner, who subsequently struck the nearby pavement at terminal velocity, cratering the surface, with brains splattered all over like a melon. Oh, well, the belaying left something to be desired, I'll probably be better off soloing anyway... as usual, the "Dominatrix Without Mercy" won that round, bi-yatch never fails to give me a hard time, "10-FO'???"
Alright, I'm back to my ballgame, gotta make the most of this gridiron action, since the season won't last forever.
