A Petition to Outlaw SummitPorn

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A Petition to Outlaw SummitPorn
Created On: Aug 9, 2009
Last Edited On: Mar 7, 2010

The Battle Begins

That’s right, you could be doing anything like mowing the yard, killing ants and bugs or even messing with your gear, but NO. She or he walks in on you and finds you visiting SummitPost.org. Crap, caught again.

In the words of the great Bob Sihler,“At home, you try to visit SP only when your spouse isn’t looking (hence the term SummitPorn), and when he or she catches you, you get that look just like the one the dog does after it pees on the couch and gets scolded for it.”

I have no interest in trying to recreate a great paragraph like that. (Thank you Robert.)

So the battle begins. Why are you on that stupid SummitPorn (note my spouse uses that phrase—she loved Bob’s article) when you could be doing the things I asked you? My reply: Uh, I duuno?

She: “There ought to be a law against that stupid site. You are always on it and you get nothing done.” Me: “I will go for a climb or a hike then.”

Fat chance buddy. You are in the hot seat and you aint getting off it that easy.
Caught


Dancing with Crampons

Since joining SummitPost, I have met some WORLD Class People on the site and in person. I wrote an article that people got a kick out of and I have taken some fairly good photos. And I learned a new word, SummitPorn.

Additionally, I have had to re-learn everything from my military days like how to layer my clothing and pack my internal frame backpack with the proper essentials. And I have become addicted to gear. That’s right, another element of this sport that gets you addicted. That gear, oh I can’t contain myself. Just drop me off at REI or Benchmark and leave me. I will just shop all night long with a headlamp and sleep in one of the display tents on a 2.5 inch self-inflatable pad with a down zero-degree bag and eat mountain house for dinner.

And if you find millions of tiny little holes in the carpet the next morning, it’s because I tried on crampons and danced all night to the soundtrack of Saturday Night Fever.

Ok, back to the point. I am at work and my server won’t let me access Dingus Milktoast's page —it keeps calling it nudity. So I go to The Chief's page —blocked from that one because of profanity. Of course we can’t forget to mention the Kiefer Thomas famous self portrait that make company CIO’s cringe when they see it and hey, how do you explain to your wife that the Women of SummitPost's page album is important data that you are gathering for your next journey?

A new word for Wikipedia?

Pop ups? WE don’t need no stinking pop ups; our finger can click that mouse and open up Trip Reports, Articles, Pictures and have a conversation on the forums and PNP all at the same time

Well, maybe they have us after all. Say it isn’t so. PLEASE don’t outlaw SummitPorn. I don’t think I want to be in jail with some of the people on this site.

The following word and description will be submitted to Wikipedia:
“SummitPorn is the depiction of explicit mountaineering subject matter for the purpose of exciting the viewer. SummitPorn makes no claim to artistic merit, unlike erotica, which does.”


If a petition to outlaw SummitPorn crosses your path, rip it up, burn it, stuff it in your mouth and chew it up. I am certain that all NON SummitPost members who have a SummitPost Member in their house are pushing for this ban.

Meanwhile, did you know you can access SummitPost on your PDA phone like your Blackberry, Palm or iPhone?

Bow chica chica bow bow—what? Dang it, someone is coming—hurry, stuff it under the bed like the naughty book that it is. Oh, Hi Honey. She: “Oh don’t hi Honey me, you look guilty. Seriously? You have SP up on your Blackberry? I think its time we go find some professional help.

Rock on Brothers and Sisters!















Comments

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Viewing: 41-59 of 59
Nyle Walton

Nyle Walton - Aug 20, 2009 11:21 am - Hasn't voted

Much needed.

What else to those mighty mountain climbers have to look at during those days' long storms in the Korakoram?

Deltaoperator17

Deltaoperator17 - Aug 26, 2009 4:10 pm - Hasn't voted

Re: Much needed.

Yes sir you maybe right. Of course they will have to be able to get a wireless internet signal...LOL

xpda

xpda - Aug 20, 2009 2:14 pm - Hasn't voted

summitporn.com

This domain has not been registered. You could make almost zero dollars per day with this domain! You could even put in a redirect to the legit site of your choice... although I wouldn't be so brash as to suggest one.

Deltaoperator17

Deltaoperator17 - Aug 26, 2009 4:12 pm - Hasn't voted

Re: summitporn.com

Of course you wouldnt...I hate those re-directs...LOL thank you for checking out for me.

MountaingirlBC

MountaingirlBC - Aug 20, 2009 4:17 pm - Voted 10/10

Guilty as charged

... yeah I have SP on my Blackberry.

lcarreau

lcarreau - Aug 20, 2009 10:30 pm - Voted 10/10

Re: Guilty as charged...

That reminds me; I need to leave my desk long enough to go out
and pick some REAL blackberries, for crying out loud !!!

Deltaoperator17

Deltaoperator17 - Aug 21, 2009 3:32 pm - Hasn't voted

Re: Guilty as charged

Yes, and looking at it while you are doing your famous Summit Hero cartwheels...LOL

lcarreau

lcarreau - Aug 21, 2009 7:17 pm - Voted 10/10

Re: Guilty as charged

I'd rather be eating some freshly-baked blackberry pie right now! : ))

Noondueler

Noondueler - Aug 22, 2009 6:35 pm - Voted 10/10

Not too shabby!

I'm single and live alone. Only my 20 lb. cat, "The Duck" imposes on my SP reveries when he wants loving attention of which he can't get enough! I just got back the internet after losing it for the last week and I tell ya...! It took a little while to get used to not having it, especially SP! Actually it was a good experience. Gave me a chance to deepen my sense of meditation through the study of spiritual literature. At first I was like..."whaddam I gonna do now"?? But I relaxed and took it as welcome break.

slowbutsteady

slowbutsteady - Aug 22, 2009 8:55 pm - Voted 10/10

I 'm crestfallen !!

My "Love on the Rocks" image posted in: Danger!! Humorous Album has only received one vote. And yes, I spend at least an hour a day on SP. I enjoy your sense of humor. Thanks.

lcarreau

lcarreau - Aug 22, 2009 10:57 pm - Voted 10/10

Re: I 'm crestfallen !!

Make that TWO votes, Slow-But-Steady!

Just give it time! "Love conquers all" is what they say.

Deltaoperator17

Deltaoperator17 - Aug 24, 2009 10:43 pm - Hasn't voted

Re: I 'm crestfallen !!

Thank you sir Charles! I appreciate the props!

Liba Kopeckova

Liba Kopeckova - Sep 3, 2009 9:49 am - Voted 10/10

luckily, I do not have one (spouse)...

I guess I do not have to worry about being caught, but I can imagine it does create a lot of problems for many people on this site. It is quiet addicting, and time spending site! But so much fun.

Deltaoperator17

Deltaoperator17 - Sep 3, 2009 11:00 am - Hasn't voted

Re: luckily, I do not have one (spouse)...

Thank you Liba! Yea probably doesn’t have the same effect if there is no significant other that it needs to be hidden from. ;-)

And the Grasshoppers, I am sure Dow was just being nice pinning it on "Dirty Old Men", it is very funny.

Thank you for you vote!

Steve

Deltaoperator17

Deltaoperator17 - Sep 14, 2009 5:13 pm - Hasn't voted

Re: I'm bowled-over howlin'!!

Hey Alec,

Yes, that would be yet another direction to take this...LOL Thanks for your vote and support of "SummitPorn"

Cheers

Steve

mrchad9

mrchad9 - Dec 13, 2012 3:14 am - Voted 10/10

Re: Find a good dvd conversion tool?

How about a good sexual orientation conversion tool? I need one of those. I want to be a hermaphrodite.

boyblue

boyblue - May 1, 2013 8:01 pm - Voted 10/10

"Sigh..."

A few years back I had one of my trip reports featured on the front page. I was very excited and ran to get my wife.

"Hon, I'm on the front page of SummitPost!"

"Really?" She comes in and squints at the screen. "So, who's this 'boyblue'?

"Uh... that's me... my avatar..."

"You're kidding! So, how much did they pay you?"

"Err... nothing. I enjoyed doing it and the recognition is kind of fun..."

"Don't forget my parents are coming this afternoon. I thought you were going to help me clean the house."

I'm probably exaggerating a little, but that's kind of how I remember it...
I gotta admit that I probably react the same way when she talks about her Facebook stuff. :-)

mike_lindacher

mike_lindacher - May 1, 2013 11:12 pm - Voted 10/10

brilliant...

good work here

Nick Turtura

Nick Turtura - Oct 28, 2013 10:44 pm - Hasn't voted

SP'er Problems

My wife calls it Mapsterbating!

Viewing: 41-59 of 59


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