What I find really amusing about this thread is that we have had queries in the past that were almost as absurd (need a gear list for Everest, Denali, etc.) and were taken seriously (and were even posted seriously).

On the other hand, some of us are clever enough to hide our ignorance by lurking quietly and waiting for someone else to ask the dumb questions that we want answers to.

Back in the days when climbing Everest was in fashion, I was told of a guy who wanted to do just that. New money individual, like those who buy their escutcheons on eBay. This guy's footman wore such dreadful pink shirts that the Sherpas eventually nudged both of them into a crevasse. (This was before the "leave no trace" approach became widespread.)

Mel is a sperm donor.

Come on guys be nice, we all know Mel actually took the picture for the catalog. Don't ruin my dream that people like Mel actually exist in this world and, every once and a while, come to people like us for help. (VERY good find though...)

The only thing missing now is for shredder to pop up and angrily denounce Bob Burd for having pulled the wool over our eyes yet again

Biglost wrote:Oh Mel.....You, my man, are Busted! Deb, you nailed it!



So....who is Mel really?

It seems you have caught me out baby. *Sighs*

Truthfully I will say that relationships have never been my strong suit, and I feel at times a bit jilted, even after 30+ years of impressive sexual conquest and two marriages under my belt. I know my behavior is not unique. Who hasn't loved the life? The life of the Atlantean playboy who roves the cool Santa Monica nights, seeking and never finding, burning like the engine of a 39' Chris Craft Stinger, fueling his Kuwaiti-oil-field-esque lust with an illusory panacea of Martinis and early 90s house music. Who can claim without reserve to be the Real McCoy?

Please don't judge me. The heart is a crevasse, but there's no bottom, none, in my voluptuousness: your wives, your daughters, your matrons and your maids, could not fill up the cistern of my lust.

The photo I posted on my Mel Torino personal webpage profile is not my wife. She lives in Pasadena with a gentleman I will not name. I have been single since 1996.

I choose to think that you are sincere; this feeling comes from my incredible trust in human integrity.

The best advice for the climb comes from one source:
Mary's Everest Plans

Funny, I just noticed these two threads now. Pretty hilarious.
To satisfy the curious, Mel is not actually any of the SP regulars. His IP address hails from South Carolina.

Mel_Torino wrote:Little help here...

What gear will I need? (Money is no obstacle)
How many shirpas should I rent from base camp?
When is the best time to go during summer?
How many oxygen bottles will I need to buy per person?

Answering your questions:-

Gear

A good supply of pink shirts, white pants and some quality sunglasses should be OK. You will also need a Fortnum and Mason picnic hamper, some quality French Champagne, and a decent collapsible table and enough chairs for your party to sit on the summit to enjoy your celebratory meal. Oh, and if you insist on going during the summer you will also need to take an ice bucket and some ice with you to ensure the champagne is nicely chilled.

Shirpas

You can take any number of Shirpas, but I would also suggest you take six Sherpas who can carry the spare pink shirts and all the other gear. Seven if you really want to do the climb in summer as it will take at least one Sherpa to haul all the ice you need for your champagne, ( I am assuming one bottle per day for the whole trip, plus one each on summit day).

When is the best time to go during summer

Very early summer if you want to be in time to use natural ice before it all melts in the summer heat.

How many oxygen bottles will I need to buy per person

That really depends on how much hot air you think you can produce. From what I've seen so far I would think rather a lot.

Llamas

You didn't mention these but they can be great company and also satisfy many of your little needs during the trip. Rhyang, one of our regulars here, knows a lot about these lovely cuddly animals and will be able to supply some unblemished, (well almost unblemished), ones for you.


I do help this helps.

I would also suggest the guide book "Rum Doodle" it is a mine of much useful and not always obvious information.

Depclimb says he prefers guanacos to llamas. He has 20 more years experience with climbing than I, so you may want to bear thta in mind

Mel_Torino wrote:

Biglost wrote:Oh Mel.....You, my man, are Busted! Deb, you nailed it!



So....who is Mel really?

It seems you have caught me out baby. *Sighs*

Truthfully I will say that relationships have never been my strong suit, and I feel at times a bit jilted, even after 30+ years of impressive sexual conquest and two marriages under my belt. I know my behavior is not unique. Who hasn't loved the life? The life of the Atlantean playboy who roves the cool Santa Monica nights, seeking and never finding, burning like the engine of a 39' Chris Craft Stinger, fueling his Kuwaiti-oil-field-esque lust with an illusory panacea of Martinis and early 90s house music. Who can claim without reserve to be the Real McCoy?

Please don't judge me. The heart is a crevasse, but there's no bottom, none, in my voluptuousness: your wives, your daughters, your matrons and your maids, could not fill up the cistern of my lust.

The photo I posted on my Mel Torino personal webpage profile is not my wife. She lives in Pasadena with a gentleman I will not name. I have been single since 1996.

I'll judge you - you're shallow and materialistic. All we hear is "yah yah yah......I own this, I fuck that....money money money...." GET REAL! You are a sad, lonely, middle-aged horny titty-baby that is under the misconception that anyone here really cares about your monetary worth and possesssions.
Go climb a freaking mountain dammit! Even if it IS only Mammoth.

Um, Deb - it's a troll. Mel isn't a real person.

Christ Deb, you´ve pissed him off just after I´d asked him for a loan! oh well

Bob Burd wrote:Um, Deb - it's a troll. Mel isn't a real person.

I know, I'm just practicing.