FortMental wrote:I fucking hate Ari-fucking-Zona.

I sense that you are holding back. Don't keep your anger inside, it will eat you up. As they say in AZ, por amor viviremos.

FortMental wrote:I fucking hate Ari-fucking-Zona. The only dumb-shit state with a Z in it. Other than Missouri. The worse thing about living in New Mexico is being sandwiched between the dickheads in A frikkin' Zee and the ass-tards in Tee fucking Ex. Arizona is the only state that makes Texas look like a state populated by physically fit caring honor students.

Who the fuck lives in a state where cold tap water comes out of the faucet warmer than fresh piss? Who can live in state where the only ski area makes snow out of raw sewage? And what the fuck is an Arizona Cardinal, anyway? There'a a bird that hasn't been seen in Arizona in, what, 165,000 years? If ever! And who the fuck ever thought up Evan Mecham? And then elected him governor?

You know....that's why God created the Colorado Plateau: to flush Arizona into the Mexican piss pot otherwise known as El Golfo De California. He just didn't think it would take so long....


THAT is what sucks about Arizona.

Yeah well, at least Arizona is the actual name of an AMERICAN STATE. It's not another country with "New" tacked onto the front of it. What kind of shitheads live in a state that can't even have an American name? Golly gee, why don't they name their state "New Puerto Rico" or "New Cuba" or something. Why do those New Mexican jackasses hate America so much? I bet they're just a bunch of terrorists, except they're too stupid to achieve any real terror. Or they keep it in their own shithole of a state, which'd be why New Mex is the #2 state for crime these days. Or maybe they just spend all their time at the fabulous New Mexico National Parks! Oh wait, I'm sorry... the only one New Mexico has is Wonderful Carlsbad Caverns, the mighty cave with the tour and the built-in snack bar. No wonder those turds are always over here visiting the Arizona parks, since this state actually has some good ones. But I sure wish those terrorist criminals would stay over there instead!

Take that!

FortMental wrote:At a SP gathering, I overheard these three guys talking about how stupid their wives were. One guys, from California, says, "My wife is so stupid that she filled the fridge with meat she bought because it was on sale. And we're all frikkin' vegetarians!"

That's nothing, said the SPer from Texas. "Last month, my old lady filled the back of the pickup truck with free books....and she can't even read!"

"You guys are lucky", said the SPer from Arizona. My wife is so stupid that when she went to a convention in Albuquerque, she filled her suitcase with condoms! And she ain't even got no dick."

Why, I oughta....

So, two hunters from New Mexico were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read "BEAR LEFT"
...so they went home.

A different two New Mexican guys rent a boat and go fishing in a lake. They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to
the other, "We'll have to come back here tomorrow!"
The other asks, "But how will we remember where this spot is?"
The first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat, and says, "We'll just look for this X tomorrow!"
The other guy says, "You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?"

The first guy was probably Truchas.

Just happened upon this thread. One of the best on SP forever. Please don't stop.

New Joyzee also is spelled with a "zee."

Things you CAN'T do in Arizona :

# You may not have more than two dildos in a house.

# Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. This goes back in the days of the Wild West.

# There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.

# When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person possesses.

# Hunting camels is prohibited.

# Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.

# It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.

lcarreau wrote:
# Hunting camels is prohibited.

Well, shit, I'm glad you told me that. There was a huge herd of camels just north of my house this morning, and I REALLY wanted to shoot one. Now I'm very glad I refrained. Is this a felony, or a misdemeanor?

FortMental wrote:HEY!! Where'd my buddy Eloy go?

He died before 1990. Eloy's New Mexican restaurant was about the best on the east side of Albuquerque; at one time there were 3 locations, but the one on Eubank was the best. The stuffed sopapillas were great.

Say, did you hear about the Texan who was driving N from Santa Fe, when he saw the sign for Pojoaque? He was angry about all the sissy spellings and bizarre pronunciations, so he pulled into a Burger King, and demanded that the kid at the counter pronounce the name really slowly, so he could understand. So the kid said...

"B-U-R-G-E-R K-I-N-G."

Then there were the three guys from Espanola who were on "That's Incredible!" ...

Andinistaloco wrote:

lcarreau wrote:
# Hunting camels is prohibited.

Well, shit, I'm glad you told me that. There was a huge herd of camels just north of my house this morning, and I REALLY wanted to shoot one. Now I'm very glad I refrained. Is this a felony, or a misdemeanor?

I'm completely "dumbfounded" as far as giving up an answer. Speaking of giving things up..

An Arizonan, a New Mexican, and a Texan were traveling together. They were lost, night came upon them, and they happened upon a farm. The owner, a generous man, agreed to put them up for the night, but he had this to say:

"I only have two extra beds, so one of you will have to sleep in the barn."

Since no one on SP is ghey, the men decided who would take the barn. The New Mexican volunteered.

A little later, there was a knock on the door. The farmer answered, and on the doorstep was the New Mexican.

"My religion forbids me to sleep under the same roof as a cow," he said.

So the Texan went out to the barn.

Soon enough, there was a knock on the door, and on the doorstep stood the Texan.

"My religion forbids me to sleep under the same roof as a pig," he said.

So the Arizonan went out to the barn.

Soon enough, there was a knock on the door, and on the doorstep stood the cow and the pig.

A ventriloquist gets lost and needs quarters for the night. He finds a farmhouse and knocks on the door.

The owner is a little skeptical, but the ventriloquist works his charm.

"Hello," says the cow.

"I've been plucked for down products, which equal animal cruelty, and I have the sunburn to prove it," says the goose.

The farmer's son, a little Arizonan boy named AL, whitens and says, "If that sheep says anything, she's a goddam liar!"

AZ - what's not to love?

A New Mexican met an Arizonan while hiking through the desert. The New Mexican had a big squirt bottle of water, and a towel wrapped around his head; the Arizonan was carrying a car door. The AZ guy was quite puzzled, and asked the NM guy what the water bottle and towel were for. NM replied, "when I get too hot, I spray water on the towel, and am cooled by evaporation." To this AZ guy sneered and said, "whenever I get hot, I just roll down the window."