Dow showing off his nuts (straddling both routes)
The Testes is comprised of two routes on two towers, Left Nut and Right Nut.
They are adjoined via a short col to a feature aptly named the Phallus. Although there is no published route on the Phallus, there were pitons on the summit in 2016 (it would be an aid climb at best). I am trusting that you have exhausted the rest of the towers in the Moab region
if you are looking to climb these two routes. Neither route offers stellar climbing and the rock is as chossy as Arches can get. However, if you are bored, these are cool features offering sun and shade moderate climbing just off the road with cool summits.
Left Nut is actually only left when you are standing behind the feature. It is on the right side if you are viewing it from the road. It is therefore well shaded most of the day.
The rock is better on this route until you finish the upper chimney section (between Left and Right Nut) and have to commit to the Left Nut wall where the rock turns to pure choss. That being said, there were a multitude of pins (2016) along with suspect gear placements that protect those committing moves that lead to the shoulder below the summit block of Left Nut.
Right Nut is southeast facing (road side) and appears to get climbed less often. Holds were sloughing off. The rock is definitely less appealing than the other route. You place only a few pieces you trust at all as rock crumbles around you. The summit is cool though, roomy and flat with great views. There is a chain rap that is angled to drop you to the col between Testes and the Phallus with a single 70m rope which is much cleaner than any other rap option.
Therfore ignore the grooves back down into the chimney.
Somewhere it states “2.8 miles past Courthouse Wash” (bridge). I cannot remember how accurate that is. But the Phallus is easily recognizable from the road, on the left. Testes is to the right of that. There are pullovers on both sides of the park road as I recall. There is a short slick rock col between Testes and Phallus which allows you to pass through for Left Nut. Left Nut and Right Nut both end up climbing the same chimney system that sepearates them, just on opossing sides. Either can be rapped with a single 70m rope even though other beta out there has them at 150’ and 125’.
Route Description(s)Left Nut is on the Backside; Right Nut is Roadside
Left Nut- 150’-5.9/ It might be 150’ to the top of the Left Nut but the rap station is down on the right shoulder from the summit and a single 70m rope makes the rap back to the base of the routes no worries. Standard single rack. The climbing is quite easy up and into the chimney. The crux is stemming out of the chimney and committing to a C4#.75 small flake crack on bad rock to the left. If the rock was solid, these moves would be fun at the grade. As it is, you will more than likely feel a bit tenuous about it. There are at least three fixed pieces (bolts or pitons) as of 2016 that help protect this section. Off set cams are helpful with the transition out of the chimney as well. We found a large interesting funnel spider web en-route. This backside is a great spot for lunch on a warm day. It appears the FAer's called this 5.9 A1+ but it goes clean at 5.9+.
Right Nut- 125’-5.10a/ This tower summit is shorter than Left Night and a single 70m raps cleanly down to the col with Phallus. Right Nut is much chossier than Left Nut. Only trusted pro is a few wide pieces, maybe a C4#4 and #5 as I recall. There was not much else to place as the rock is sub-par. A single rack at most and nothing micro. Most of the moves are well below grade though and the run out chimney is no worries at all for the competent moderate leader (not to mention better rock). The summit has quite a bit of fixed gear. Do not get swayed by the rap grooves back down the chimney. It is much cleaner and safer to bring the 2nd up and rap down to the col on the other side. From the summit you can spot a piton over on the Phallus summit but it looks to be an aid climb at best.