The Adventures of Disgusting Dan, Chapter 1: Apache Couloir

The Adventures of Disgusting Dan, Chapter 1: Apache Couloir

Page Type Page Type: Trip Report
Date Date Climbed/Hiked: Nov 4, 2007
Activities Activities: Mountaineering
Seasons Season: Fall

Early Morning Blues

"Stupid wind. Why is it always so damn windy in this road? And why do I come up here with a mountainbiker?"

People say good energy will take you a long way, but I didn't have any good energy this morning. You can never really sleep that well the night before a trip. Your mind is always reeling: "Did I pack everything?" "I hope I have enough water" "I still haven't decided if the Yeti lives in Colorado, but that one brewery has that sweet Yeti-Beer so yeah, maybe he does. Or wait is it a she? Maybe there are a bunch here..."

I look up only to see the Fishman blowing up Brainard Lake Road several hundred yards ahead. "Stupid Mountain bikers". The wind is relentless. "And my stupid borrowed bike is too small". "What am I doing here?" I can't help thinking about turning back, I hate riding into the wind, but I've gotta keep going. I push myself hard to grind up the hills, weaving between the felled trees in the road. "Just a little further" I know this road. I've hiked, skied, snowshoed, and ran this road a hundred times.

"Just a little further"

Trailhead at last

As we pull into the Long Lake trailhead the wind dies down "figures". We lock up the bikes and head into the woods. It's nice to be back to hiking, but my butt hurts from riding that damn bike with my pack on. It's a beautiful day in the forest, a little sun by now and no wind. We make good time past Long Lake, and better time as we pass Lake Isabelle. We make good time all the way until we reach the end of Lake Isabelle. The drainage is covered with snow and the trail is hard to follow: "I always thought that trail should go up this side anyway" so we head up the north side of the drainage on boulders and talus planning on meeting back up with trail when it crosses back onto the north side. Bad Idea. "Stupid talus", I always forget how hard it is to cross a talus slope in light snow. As it talus didn't suck enough, now there was snow lightly filling in the cracks just enough to not hold the rocks in place yet. At least the view was nice.
Apache and Navajo Peaks


We continue on slogging through the snow and talus and finally we meet the trail again and our first good view of Apache Couloir.
Apache Couloir


The slog-fest continues as we near the couloir... over a knoll, down a gully, cross the stream, climb that waterfall (just for fun) until finally we reach the base of Apache Couloir.

A Different Kind of Grind

We sat for a bit and had a snack at the base of the couloir where I checked the snow. Solid, pretty damn good snow for this time of the year. We look up plan our route: "OK so I think we go that way."

"Which way? Up?"

"Yup, up"

"Ohh, Ok"

I'm going to blame the windy bike ride for my fatigue in the couloir. I burned up the first half, but in the top half something broke. Maybe it was my concentration, or maybe it was my desire to finish this mountain, I don't know but I wasn't moving very fast anymore. I felt like someone was playing a trick on me and moving the top of the couloir backwards with every step I took. I resolved to just keep my eyes on the snow in front of me and focus on climbing. I knew I was getting close to the top when the spike on my axe hit rock under the snow, I looked up to see the mountain ahead.

"Damn" All talus. Not much snow, just a whole bunch of talus. I'd had an eye on Apache for some time and I knew damn-well that this couloir ended a ways before the top of the mountain, but from where I was now standing it looked like a mile to the top.

Another snack break and we are on the way. "Luck is on our side" I thought to myself as I felt the wind pick up again. All I could think as I dragged myself to the top was "this wind could blow your head away if it wasn't attached".

Finally on top with no time to spare.
The View Towards Navajo and Kiowa Peaks

We snap some photos and head down now we are heading for Queen's Way.
Success!

The Return

Queen's Way couloir is one of the best damn glissades in the state. Top to bottom, no stops. You can then continue down Isabelle Glacier also no stops.

The Fishman heads down first, the snow isn't perfect but it will do just fine. My butt sinks a little as I sit down to watch his glissade. He is cruising and the snow seems fine. I wait for his signal and begin the maddness. Like a child on a supermarket penny horse I can't stop laughing.

"Snow Donkey" I keep yelling as I loose the elevation that took so much time to gain. I never want this glissade to end. When the bottom finally comes up to join us we head off the Glacier and down the trail towards those stupid bikes.
Time to head Home


Another long slog out, and we find the bikes still there. I try to make some dumb joke about a bike thief all the way up here but stop half way through when I realize how dumb I sound. Luck really was on our side when we saddled up and headed out on the bikes, the wind picked up again and this time it was at our backs... The whole way home.

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