"I had soloed the mountain but the climb just acted as a way of teaching me how precious life is and how quickly is can be lost. I felt like I had abused my appreciation for my life and the people with whom I share my life." - I have felt this way, but couldn't express it so well. Thank you for this important report.
Firstly, I feel that you cannot claim to have soloed the route, as you abdicated responsibility to another party, thereby sacrificing your own autonomy on the mountain before the route was completed. The Hornli, more than a lot of routes, cannot be considered complete until you step down to the ground at the finish. The reasons are understandable. You were shaken up by what happened.
Secondly, it's a shame that you do not feel proud of your attempted solo. Could this be because certain matters were unresolved? To briefly make reference to my own experience of soloing the Hornli, the worst part was in the hut the night before where I was plagued by phantom fears, thinking the usual thoughts of 'is this selfish?' etc etc. By the time I went to sleep however I had totally accepted all possible outcomes and was prepared to accept the consequences. How I feel about how my actions affected my loved ones is personal and not really relevant to what I'm saying. I have seen climbers who have been scared, and the deep rooted reason was that they were / are unresolved in the matter of how their actions could affect their loved ones. The guys for whom this is not an impediment to climb, sometimes solo, are either the ones who have raised this issue and resolved it with loved ones, or who simply are single minded - selfish? - enough to not let it figure sufficiently in their psyche, certainly not enough to stop them placing themselves in harm's way in the mountains.
The fact you felt bad and not proud of (partially) soloing the route is a clear indicator that you had not fully come to terms with the hard consequences of what could have happened. The immediacy of something happening on the route when you were on it was enough to break through this vulnerable spot in your psyche.
I hope this incident did not diminish your ability to enjoy the mountains. I wish you safe, happy and peaceful climbing.
Bermo - Aug 30, 2005 8:14 pm - Hasn't voted
Trip Report CommentChrist! Great account, very frightening.
cp0915 - Sep 1, 2005 4:01 pm - Hasn't voted
Trip Report CommentExcellent TR. Very sobering.
Corax - Sep 1, 2005 7:29 pm - Hasn't voted
Trip Report Comment:-(
...
No words...
Thanks for adding this. Interesting, sobering, horrible.
William Marler - Sep 6, 2005 2:33 pm - Hasn't voted
Trip Report CommentThanks for the TR. Well told story.
uphigh50 - May 5, 2006 8:17 pm - Voted 10/10
Trip commentCertainly makes you think, but still your achievement is worthy of praise.
mvs - May 15, 2006 12:22 pm - Voted 10/10
Very well described"I had soloed the mountain but the climb just acted as a way of teaching me how precious life is and how quickly is can be lost. I felt like I had abused my appreciation for my life and the people with whom I share my life." - I have felt this way, but couldn't express it so well. Thank you for this important report.
mountainmanjohn - May 29, 2006 11:15 am - Voted 9/10
Wow.An honest report. Thanks for saying what many of us know deep down. A great report . . . . and achievement
tphubbard - Jul 18, 2007 9:03 am - Hasn't voted
AgreedA feeling that is hard to express - but very true, I am sure many of us have felt this way at one time or another.
visentin - Mar 30, 2010 4:18 am - Voted 10/10
everyone should readeveryone should read it...
mountainmanjohn - Aug 23, 2010 12:59 am - Voted 9/10
thanksfor your honest telling of your story. A good reminder of how fragile life is.
j
trhp72 - Jan 12, 2011 5:43 am - Hasn't voted
testtest
trhp72 - Jan 12, 2011 5:59 am - Hasn't voted
Don't feel bad..Firstly, I feel that you cannot claim to have soloed the route, as you abdicated responsibility to another party, thereby sacrificing your own autonomy on the mountain before the route was completed. The Hornli, more than a lot of routes, cannot be considered complete until you step down to the ground at the finish. The reasons are understandable. You were shaken up by what happened.
Secondly, it's a shame that you do not feel proud of your attempted solo. Could this be because certain matters were unresolved? To briefly make reference to my own experience of soloing the Hornli, the worst part was in the hut the night before where I was plagued by phantom fears, thinking the usual thoughts of 'is this selfish?' etc etc. By the time I went to sleep however I had totally accepted all possible outcomes and was prepared to accept the consequences. How I feel about how my actions affected my loved ones is personal and not really relevant to what I'm saying. I have seen climbers who have been scared, and the deep rooted reason was that they were / are unresolved in the matter of how their actions could affect their loved ones. The guys for whom this is not an impediment to climb, sometimes solo, are either the ones who have raised this issue and resolved it with loved ones, or who simply are single minded - selfish? - enough to not let it figure sufficiently in their psyche, certainly not enough to stop them placing themselves in harm's way in the mountains.
The fact you felt bad and not proud of (partially) soloing the route is a clear indicator that you had not fully come to terms with the hard consequences of what could have happened. The immediacy of something happening on the route when you were on it was enough to break through this vulnerable spot in your psyche.
I hope this incident did not diminish your ability to enjoy the mountains. I wish you safe, happy and peaceful climbing.