A long day on Babia Góra - Hillwalking through the eyes of a professional buttsniffer...

Waking up...

It all began on a time that I was still laying comfortably on Ania's bed, when all of the sudden my nice dreams of chasing and killing big, fat cats were suddenly ended by Ania waking up and starting to get dressed when the sun wasn't even up yet... Like seriously - One of the reasons I sleep with the girl is because she doesn't kick me out of bed on weird hours - like 8am - as that male human does...

I knew something was very, very wrong when the male, Clint, also started to get dressed and active before 6.30 in the morning...

Oh well, with both of them awake, I tried to get their attention by staring at my food bowl, which was empty, but both seemed to be preoccupied with other things... When Clint went to take the garbage out, and the female, Ania, was alone, I decided to leave her a present in the kitchen, to draw her attention to my needs... It worked - for two minutes - when they both decided to take me out...

Oh no... Not now. Give me two hours more sleep, and I'd love to sniff some butts on Ulica Retoryka then, but right now I only want food and a warm bed... Those two bastards turned out to be completely insensitive to my needs at this moment and we went out the door. Then I noticed both of them were wearing their backpacks which were entirely packed, and I could already smell the scent of the goodies packed in them... Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad after all...

The trip.

I knew we were going somewhere nice when we passed through Sukiennice. My humans only go there with me when one of them needs to go in one of these cages that close, and after a few hours open somewhere which would take otherwise at least the time in days to walk. I know because I had once taken one by myself, and in ten minutes I got somewhere which would take two hours to walk... Of course the male human was not amused, but that happens more often when I try to do the smart thing myself...
Those humans are weird anyways - Those moving cages are a great invention, one can get in one, sleep underneath one of those benches those two legged creatures sit on, and wake up somewhere saving hours or days of walking... Now that is good use of one's time! Still, any time when humans refer to these cages, they tend to use a lot of negative adjectives when they refer to these wonderful cages... Humans are weird...

Anyway, I'm drifting off...

After only sleeping for an hour on this moving cage (couldn't find anywhere comfortable enough for me) I noticed the the female human was sleeping... This was extremely unfair! Tried to persuade her to wake up, or at least move so I could sleep there, but didn't work...

We got out in a place the humans referred to as "Sucha Beskidzka". My two human companions started eating and finally gave me some as well. I looked at them very friendly when my food was done, hoping to get some more, but again they were insensitive to my needs. Then the male human accidentally dropped his sandwich when the female wanted to give it to him, and I dashed for it, but unfortunately Clint was faster. Damned. If it would've been 8 hours later, and he had his beers, that would've been easy. Unfortunately not at 9.30 in the morning...

I went off to a field nearby to take a piss, when I met this friendly little one of my kind. Usually those little ones think they're everything and run at me barking and growling, so I usually tend to ignore them, knowing that I can send them just as easily to the other world as I do with these annoying cats, but this one was very friendly. After a few introductional sniff of each other butts - Hey, a dog needs to know who she's getting friendly with - we played around for some time, until I heard my name, and saw that my humans were getting ready to get in another - much smaller - moving cage. I said goodbye to my new friend, and joined them.

The park, and the mountain.

The moving cage stopped and we got out. My humans were surprisingly happy that there was nobody there, there was a little house made of dead trees, and they were reading some thing in human language next to it.

All of the sudden they were discussing about something written there that said "no dogs." I was shocked. How on earth could these humans decide that my kind was not allowed in nature? To my shock they decided that they would put me on a leash, and generally ignore the sign, because it wasn't very clear. The female would say that she didn't notice it if a ranger would come, and that she had seen more dogs there, and the male would generally state that he didn't know this particular dialect of human in which the sign was written. Thinking of that, another reason why humans are strange - every few hours traveling by moving cage their dialect changes so much that they can't understand each other anymore... Everywhere I've traveled, I could just meet up with the local dogs, and I can tell you, I have no problems communicating with any of them. They sniff butts in Nijmegen the same way as in Kraków or Muenchen. Why do humans always have to make it so difficult?



I offered the humans my help if they would come across a ranger, telling that I could bark at him or her, and if that wouldn't help to back him off, I could always bite him in the balls. Both my humans told me that that was not a good idea, which I can't understand. If something would give you a lot of trouble, why not deal with it? Dogs that don't have to deal with humans do it the same way, if something bothers them, they chase it off, if that doesn't help, they attack it. It always works for them... The walk up was nice though, lots of sticks to play with, and after about 45 minutes we arrived at some hut where my humans decided to make a break, sit down, smoke cigarettes and drink beer. I saw this as a beautiful opportunity to explore a little bit, and here I found a dead bird.

This was a beautiful opportunity to make myself more attractive! I rolled and rolled through it, getting the nice perfume all through my fur, and then walked proudly back to Ania and Clint, showing off my beautiful body that smelled so good! Danteke, Queen of the Beskids!

For some weird reason, the humans did not agree with this, and we started moving again. Up, and up and up. The trees started becoming smaller and smaller, and after making some pictures we turned left and went further up. At this point the trees weren't much bigger than myself, and it was still very warm. All the times that a human has taken me on a walk going this far up, there was this white stuff which is great to play in after walking up for an hour or so, but this time there was nothing. This was in my opinion the biggest bummer of this trip...



Getting back to human communication, every time these two humans would meet other humans, they would just say things like "cześć" or "dzien dobry" and walk on... Like that is a proper way of getting to know one another... If I meet another one of my kind, we would spend at least 10 seconds sniffing each others butt, and I'll know the others entire medical history, what they've eaten over the last three days, with whom they've had intercourse, and what their mood is. In short, I'd know everything one would need to know if one would like to build a friendship with someone. Humans just seem to only acknowledge each others existence... Having said that, judging by how often humans would refer to me as "piękny pies", people high up mountains either appreciate my efforts in smelling good, or they're just that much friendlier...



After a while, all the trees were gone, and it started getting colder and windier. We were now in the clouds... After ten or fifteen minutes we arrived at a place that seemed to be the summit. It was now just a small walk up some big stones, and these humans were worried about me going up here. I have four legs instead of two, so if I slip with one, I still have three legs with which I have good balance. From their own narrow-mindedness, or just stupidity, these humans did not seem to notice this... After a short scramble, there was a stone wall and a monument. We were now on the actual summit. The humans sat down, out of the wind, and the backpacks with goodies came out. Finally.



I started getting acquainted with two other dogs, while my humans were drinking beer that the male, Clint, had taken from Cologne for special occasions, and smoke clove cigarettes. When they gave me food, I noticed that they had actually brought nice food for me, although they started eating chocolate...
When I smelled that, I just felt the urge to go for it... Chocolate! I know it's addictive, and could kill if taken too much, but seriously... I need some...
Just a few lines... Ehmmm.... Grammes.... Please...

Then that ***** put the chocolate away!!! Evil!!!

Three more humans arrived, and I brought them a stick. They seemed to be receptive, and started throwing it. Playing time! Soon I had completely forgotten about this heavenly brown goodie that my team of humans had taken up, and I had a really good time for a while, until they got tired of it, but it was easy to bark them into submission so they would keep on throwing...
After a few more throws they tried to tell me it was enough, but I pretended I didn't understand them... Hahaha...

Then my male human, who had been watching yelled "Danteke, Wypierdalaj!!!"

Oops! caught in the act. I admitted defeat, and went back to my team...

Soon we found ourselves back going down...

The way back.

After spending a lazy hour on the summit, my humans decided that it would be good to go back down. Within minutes we were below the clouds again, and it started getting warmer.



What was great, was that my humans didn't put me back on the leash anymore. What was funny, was to observe human toilet habits in nature. The male went to the side of the trail, stood with his back towards the wind, as well as the trail, and the female even went completely off the trail so no one could see her... I don't get it. If I need to go, I just go. Easy as that...

after half an hour there were trees again, and after one more hour, we were by a road. Here we met up with these three humans that were playing with me by the summit earlier, and they seemed to be going our way, in their own private moving cage, and they were willing to drop us off in Sucha Beskidzka. Good. After a long day I really needed more sleep. I had only slept nine hours so far, instead of my normal 13-15... Very tiring for a dog like me...



There, one of them decided that he would join us to Kraków, and we all got on a big moving cage like the one we were on earlier. This one was different though, it was yellow from the outside, and it was completely new. Most importantly, it was spacious enough for me to sleep really comfortably underneath the place where the humans sat down and drink beer. Heaven. I could stretch my whole body, and within minutes I was once again dreaming about chasing big, fat cats underneath cars and up trees.

Although I still believe humans are strange, in the end I've had a great day.

Danteke.

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