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The Politics of Man and Woman

Minimally moderated forum for climbing related hearsay, misinformation, and lies.
 

Postby mconnell » Tue Oct 20, 2009 4:57 pm

MoapaPk wrote:Maybe people aren't picturing all the extremes.


Extremes have nothing to do with it. If you're going to cheat, you will find a way. If your wife doesn't understand that, she is going to be uptight anytime you go anywhere with out her. if the problem is that you don't trust yourself, that is a bigger issue for your marriage. (Not meant to be personal since I don't know you, just a general comment.)
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Postby BeDrinkable » Tue Oct 20, 2009 5:08 pm

The comments here seem to mostly fall along the lines of "if your spouse is uncomfortable with anything you do, your relationship is in trouble." Which seems pretty extreme, given the lack of specific information anyone ever has about others' relationships.

I'm going to jump here in on Moapa's side. Relationships are about give and take. I spend a lot more time in the outdors than my wife does. She is not jealous, but there are certain situations she is ok with, others she is not. I know this, and I try to plan accordingly. This does not mean doom and gloom for our future (we've been married 7 years). It just means that we are all human, and sometimes our emotions are irrational. Knowing this doesn't change it, it just means we acknowledge it and do our best to be sensitive to each other.
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Postby Buz Groshong » Tue Oct 20, 2009 6:28 pm

The notion that a man and a woman can't do things together alone, especially if it involves spending a night, is merely the start of that slippery slope that ends with women wearing burkas because "men can't resist their impulses." I think most of us tend toward that slope a bit though, so if a couple recognizes it and deals with it honestly that's a good thing.
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Postby MoapaPk » Tue Oct 20, 2009 7:41 pm

Buz Groshong wrote:is merely the start of that slippery slope that ends with women wearing burkas because "men can't resist their impulses."


My wife did say that if the woman with the skimpy clothes wore a burka, that would be OK.
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Postby lisae » Tue Oct 20, 2009 8:25 pm

I believe I lost a climbing partner due to his wife's jealousy. It sucked! What really got me was when the wife, who was also a friend, complained to me that I was spending more time with her husband than she was. When asked if she wanted me to quit climbing with him, she said no. But shortly thereafter, my partner quit climbing. I can only believe it was due to his wife's jealousy. But what really got me was that she spent most weekends paragliding, something my partner was not interested in. So I figure she really owed me a thank you for getting her husband out of the house, so she could go do what she wanted to. Geeze....
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Postby mtngrl » Tue Oct 20, 2009 8:43 pm

Reminds me how lucky I am that I was able to get my husband into hiking, camping and finally climbing! Don't have to worry about such issues.
That said, most of my climbing partners, before my husband, were men and the only issue that ever arose was when another female climber was interested in dating one of my climbing partners.
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Postby Kiefer » Tue Oct 20, 2009 9:39 pm

squishy wrote:
lcarreau wrote:(In my later years, I was kinda glad it worked out that way!)

:shock:


BULLSHIT...


HAHAHAHA! OMG, my sides hurt from laughing! :lol:

Foxy Long Bottoms wrote:I just lost my primary rock, ice, mountaineering partner to his insecure girlfriend. I guess he is one of the honest ones since he won't lie to her, which I think is wonderful. It sucks that they both felt the need to turn this into some kind of choice. It sucks when people feel the need to lie. Why can't people just climb and be cool?


Man, that sucks. Sorry to hear about this, Tracy. Was it Brian?
You know, friend of mine just moved to Boulder. He got back recently from a huge trip to Castleton, El Cap and 2 weeks at Indian Creek. He's been looking for someone to get out with since he's still fresh to the area.
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Postby Buz Groshong » Wed Oct 21, 2009 1:16 am

MoapaPk wrote:
Buz Groshong wrote:is merely the start of that slippery slope that ends with women wearing burkas because "men can't resist their impulses."


My wife did say that if the woman with the skimpy clothes wore a burka, that would be OK.


:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: The Politics of Man and Woman

Postby Buz Groshong » Wed Oct 21, 2009 1:23 am

MarthaP wrote:I know women who’ll fuck anything that moves


I think I've known some women sort of like that. For some reason I wind up thinking that they're actually interrested in me. I guess I just get kind of dumb sometimes!
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Postby mfox79 » Wed Oct 21, 2009 4:33 am

I have lived with my girlfriend for almost four years and most of my climbing partners are female, some of which she introduced me to. come to think about it the only climbing partners I have lost are male due to the fact that I take them away from there S.O's for to long :lol: my G.F. does have friends of the opposite sex that she spends time with and sometimes spends the night with, and it all seems to work. yay for trust :D
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Postby kakakiw » Thu Oct 22, 2009 1:50 pm

I had a hiking partner once who emailed me and said he fiance was incredibly jealous of me, and of all her male friends. She dumped all of her male friends and married a guy who she knew as a pathological liar. I haven't heard from her since.
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Re: The Politics of Man and Woman

Postby Grampahawk » Fri Oct 23, 2009 12:45 am

MarthaP wrote:This sport is male-dominated, no question there. The fact that women are picking up on it is anathema to some, welcome to others. No question there, either. The fact remains, though, that men and women, whether attached or not, are going to be spending time together doing the mountaineering/climbing thang. What they make of it thereafter is an individual choice.

Here’s my point – I have a friend (or at least I thought him a friend) who’s big on mountaineering. We’ve met up socially a couple of times and finally were able to go backcountry together. Last time we had contact and before we ended up in the backcountry he let me know he had a girlfriend and he’d promised her that he’d never go backpacking with only a woman – had to be in a group or nothing. No problem there except it ended up just him and me and off we went. We had separate bivies and it was winter so even if there was interest it’d have been hard to make anything happen, if you know what I mean.

In spite of the innocence of this trip I was asked to never mention it in case it got back to girlfriend. He never told her what really transpired and to date she thinks he went solo. She has no interest in slinging a pack, gear, or rope so there's no chance she'd come along as welcome as that might be.

We may have the opportunity to mountaineer again but if it comes down to him and me it’ll be the same BS as before. I’m not willing to do that.

What he does or how he manipulates the truth with his girl is his business. What’s mine is that I’m expected to lie by omission. I feel like the “other woman” even though I’m not. So if it comes down to this again I know I won’t be going anywhere with him without an absolute understanding of my truths and expectations.

Here are some questions. If we’re unattached is there some sort of code that doesn’t allow us to go anywhere with the other sex? If we’re unattached but are clear that anyone in a relationship, whether married or not, is off-limits is there some sort of distrust of that? And if someone’s in a relationship where they can’t be completely honest with their partner then what’s the discussion about anyway?

I guess if it weren’t so tough to find truly compatible partners I wouldn’t make a deal of this but if we’re heading into potentially hazardous terrain I want a partner I can absolutely count on. Any shred of doubt about their integrity optimizes the shred of doubt under stressful circumstances as far as I'm concerned.

I’ve obviously answered my own question, but how do the rest of you address these issues? Or is this all a non-issue to the majority? I know women who’ll fuck anything that moves, including their “best friend’s” SO (in fact a man attached to a woman becomes more interesting game to them) having been privy to it myself, and maybe that’s what ruins it for the rest of us.

Thoughts?
I'd like to meet your friends :oops: Seriously, my wife and I truly support each other. She's never had a problem with me camping with a female(s). She was even Ok with me staying in the same room in Vegas with an attractive co-worker due to a room screwup by the hotel. Of course there's no one better in the sack than her so it helps.
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Postby myles » Fri Oct 23, 2009 5:50 pm

One of my first partners was a woman who'd quit for a while after being involved in a pretty bad climbing accident. She just wanted to follow some easy routes for a while, and I was just learning to lead. She had loads of gear, too, so I got a chance to see what types of pieces I liked as I built my own rack.

After a couple of months, she was back with her harder-climbing partners, but I've always been grateful.

I think it helped that it turned out my wife had been acquainted with her for a while, especially when after our first outing I commented on what a "great rack" she had!
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Postby KathyW » Sun Oct 25, 2009 11:44 pm

Martha: Obviously, there are trust issues between this guy and his girlfriend. He shouldn't have gone with you without telling his girlfriend it would be just the two of you, and you shouldn't be willing to lie for him.

You'll find other partners that don't put you in this situation including attached men. There are many spouses/partners out there that are happy when their significant other finds someone to head into the backcountry with (either male or female) because they will worry about their safety less than if they were going out alone.
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