The fight - Second round is on...

All of you must be asking "what a hell happened between all this time? I'll tell u right now...chill...

As we had almost sure about the back status of the leukemia for some time on, Dr S and I decided to do another myelogram and bone marrow biopsy to be sure. A few days after that came the confirmation, I had already 11,6% of blast cells infiltrating my bone marrow (5,1% were already inside), and that's why I was feeling sicker and sicker. The decision was quite obvious, re-induction right away. By this time I was already with frostbites on my toes by fear, not fear of die, but fear of another deadly and painful intestin infection. That was a hell for me...

He told me the drugs would be different, stronger of course, to strike the leukemia with a hard fist. I agree with the idea, to kill or be killed, fuck it. What do I have to lose anyway?

So the whole process was between nov 21 and no 25 (consisted in three sets of chemo: Vepesid, Maxitol (the blue stuff), and my old friend aracityn). All okay, no headaches no nauseas, no vomits, nothing, so I made a few jokes about it, so I was just like an idiot since I know the worst about chemotheraphy is about five days later. 

And the shit came. Killing headaches, like someone was trying to rip out my eyeball literally by hand, and at the same time, this pain, lighter a bit, comes down my cheeck all the way to my jaw, where it hurts more. So eating became a problem too...Just to be clear, all this only on the LEFT side of my face. So the only option was, against my call, heavy drugs to stop or minimize the pain: morphine of course.

So the "pain team" of the hospital came to see me. This is a team that works ONLY with pain and define the course of treatment according to your type of pain. So they gave me again the damn morphine blue bomb, the one I press the button for each dose. I hate that thing, it feels like I am a drug addicit. But what could I do? I was in a great deal of pain...After talking to me for like one hour and looking at some exams, they reached to a conclusion that my problem could a "triplet nerve" (wft???), and that pain could take up to 18 months to go away, of course not with the same force all the time, like fading away...

I was devastated by the news...First thing I thought was "As soon as I get out of here I'll go to Itatiaia NP again and kill myself on Agulhas Negras Peak, like simulate an accident". And after just a couple minutes I stop, and thought again how unfair that would be to Lilianne, to Miriam ( my mother in law), to my systers Gabriela and Ana Paula, and to all of you guys who sent me all good vibes possible and think about me everyday.....Don't get up the chair folks, that crazy idea died in like no time.

Once again my position was to fight for my right to live, and to live with quality. Fuck this stupid pain...I'll deal with it.

Days passed...the pain got lighter....and like a week later it doesn't bother me so much. It is a constant don't get me wrong, but perfect manageable.

Today is my day number 33 inside the hospital, "D plus 20" after chemo, so we expect the bone marrow to wake up soon enough so I can go home next week. That d be great, I didn't get Lilianne her present yet.

Oh, at december 1st I completed 36 years old, inside the hospital, in bed, with killing pains...what a fuck up birthday that was....

So far that's it. Feeling good, hoping to go home soon...unfortunately no mountain any time soon because is already rain season here so it rains pretty much by the hour....

Any news, I'll be back folks.