You climbed 5.8 your first day climbing, and 8 years later a 5.4 lead still scares the bejeezus out of you.
You're mad that 5.2 doesn't have the a/b/c/d modifiers for better delineating the subtleties of this tricky grade.
You know every pitch and every move of the Diamond, but the most you've ever done is scramble halfway up the 3rd class Keyhole, got scared, and climbed back down.
The exposure in your local gym terrifies you.
The only thought you have before a next climb is "How am I gonna get The Chief to lead all the pitches?"
You fall off the front steps of your house.
You freeze at the crux and the little kids yell at you to "Stop hogging the sliding board".
People ask if you're a park ranger.
The best finger jam you've had was when you slammed your hand in the car door.
You've had to be rescued off a top-rope.
Your partner regularly hauls you up on a Z-pully.
Favorite call to your belayer: "Tension!"
You decide a route is rated 5.2 A0.
You can't cross the talus field without a belay.
Your team uses you to "test" for avalanche stability.
You've chopped the rope with your axe while ice climbing.
Your best skill is meat anchor.
If you find yourself repeatedly yelling "FALLING!!"...........on the approach.
You clip the lead quickdraws at the gym while on toprope and get stuck.
Your leg is still recovering from being impaled with your ice axe while practicing "self arrest" on the bunny slope.
You think "Hypothermia" and "Frostbite" are the up and coming rock groups.
You think that Colorado only has 53, 54, or 58 mountains.
You bash Mt. Everest climbers while claiming that the 14ers are difficult.
You misunderstand the meaning of "deadman anchor".
You enjoy this joke:
What does Speedy Gonzales say when he hears the person on the climb say they are on rope?
On belay! on belay!
