Failure on Denali - How to measure success in climbing?

I was climbing with my team between camps 1 and 2 on Mount McKinley. When I took the next step, suddenly my foot went straight down. It was like a trap door opened up underneath me. My body followed and I realized I had punched through a snow bridge into a crevasse. I felt my snow shoe become caught in between the two walls of the crevasse and the weight of my pack caused me to fall sideways. Instantly, I felt pain shoot through my knee. With my foot immobile, I twisted my knee in the process. I had only fallen about 6 feet but it felt like a lot more. It really didn’t matter. My climb was done; the pain in my knee stopped me. My teammates helped me out of the crevasse and I tried to walk off the pain. I figured we had rest days coming up and it should feel better then. Until then, I just had to keep pounding away at the mountain. I failed to reach the summit of Denali and was flown off a few days later.

Yeah, you heard me right. I failed on Denali. More accurately, I failed to reach the summit of Denali. This is true. It was a tough pill to swallow when I had to make the decision to go back down after arriving at 14,000 feet. While I believe this was the right thing to do, it didn’t make it any easier. The thought at the front of my mind, as I sat alone in the Talkeetna motel that night, was “how I am going to define success in mountain climbing?” I believe that no summit is worth your life. We must be responsible to our friends and family by coming back alive. But the person who turns back on a mountain still gets the same response when telling the story to others. “Oh, you didn’t make it to the top.” They can’t understand the journey, the spectacular views, the years of preparation, the self reflection that you make while pushing through the pain of a heavy load and seemingly unending terrain.

Which brings me back to my first question, “how do I measure success in climbing?” Is it really a successful climb if you lose a finger to frostbite or how about if you make it to the top but require a rescue team or helicopter team to bring you down? While in my motel room safely back in Talkeetna, I pondered all these questions. Not making it to the summit had never even entered my mind, let alone not making it to high camp. I wondered how, in mountain climbing, I was going to define success. What yardstick will I use to determine if I truly succeeded in my endeavor? While I sat there with a lump in my throat, the answer came to me.

Which brings me back to my first question, “how do I measure success in climbing?” Is it really a successful climb if you lose a finger to frostbite or how about if you make it to the top but require a rescue team or helicopter team to bring you down? While in my motel room safely back in Talkeetna, I pondered all these questions. Not making it to the summit had never even entered my mind, let alone not making it to high camp. I wondered how, in mountain climbing, I was going to define success. What yardstick will I use to determine if I truly succeeded in my endeavor? While I sat there with a lump in my throat, the answer came to me.

1. Did I do my best with the hand I was dealt (i.e. weather, route conditions, partners)?
2. Did I not take any foolish risks?
3. Did I return with all my fingers and toes?
4. Did I return home to my loved ones?
5. Did I have fun and experience the challenge I set out to achieve?
6. Did I not step over or ignore another climber in need but gave help as I was able?

Although these are far short of original, they are really the responsible mountain climber’s creed. We can’t compare ourselves to others’ accomplishments and expect safety on the mountain. We must look objectively at the risks and dangers in front of us and make wise choices, regardless of our desires for the summit.

Further Details of my trip are avalible in my trip report.

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