she filled her suitcase with condoms! And she ain't even got no dick.

I don't get it.

FortMental wrote:At a SP gathering, I overheard these three guys talking about how stupid their wives were. One guys, from California, says, "My wife is so stupid that she filled the fridge with meat she bought because it was on sale. And we're all frikkin' vegetarians!"

That's nothing, said the SPer from Texas. "Last month, my old lady filled the back of the pickup truck with free books....and she can't even read!"

"You guys are lucky", said the SPer from Arizona. My wife is so stupid that when she went to a convention in Albuquerque, she filled her suitcase with condoms! And she ain't even got no dick."

Why, I oughta....

So, two hunters from New Mexico were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read "BEAR LEFT"
...so they went home.

A different two New Mexican guys rent a boat and go fishing in a lake. They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to
the other, "We'll have to come back here tomorrow!"
The other asks, "But how will we remember where this spot is?"
The first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat, and says, "We'll just look for this X tomorrow!"
The other guy says, "You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?"

OK.... You asked it for it.

Three dudes from Arizona have been wandering the southern desert for weeks. One of them finds a lamp buried in the sand. He starts to polish it and out pops a genie.
Oh thank you master says the genie, I will grant you each one wish! The first guy says...Oh how I'd like to be at home, making out with my sister. Big flash, cloud of smoke and he's gone!

The second guy says...I wish I were in Phoenix, watching the Suns win a playoff game. Big flash , cloud of smoke and he's gone! The third guy says "Dang, its gonna be awful lonely here without them, can you bring them back?"

The first guy was probably Truchas.

Just happened upon this thread. One of the best on SP forever. Please don't stop.

HEY!! Where'd my buddy Eloy go?

New Joyzee also is spelled with a "zee."

Things you CAN'T do in Arizona :

# You may not have more than two dildos in a house.

# Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. This goes back in the days of the Wild West.

# There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.

# When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person possesses.

# Hunting camels is prohibited.

# Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.

# It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.

lcarreau wrote:
# Hunting camels is prohibited.

Well, shit, I'm glad you told me that. There was a huge herd of camels just north of my house this morning, and I REALLY wanted to shoot one. Now I'm very glad I refrained. Is this a felony, or a misdemeanor?

Andinistaloco wrote:

lcarreau wrote:
# Hunting camels is prohibited.

Well, shit, I'm glad you told me that. There was a huge herd of camels just north of my house this morning, and I REALLY wanted to shoot one.

You Arizona bonehead, those were no camels! That was the Northern Arizona University Cheerleading Squad. What are you gonna do with a dead cheerleader, anyway? Oh let me guess.....

FortMental wrote:HEY!! Where'd my buddy Eloy go?

He died before 1990. Eloy's New Mexican restaurant was about the best on the east side of Albuquerque; at one time there were 3 locations, but the one on Eubank was the best. The stuffed sopapillas were great.

Say, did you hear about the Texan who was driving N from Santa Fe, when he saw the sign for Pojoaque? He was angry about all the sissy spellings and bizarre pronunciations, so he pulled into a Burger King, and demanded that the kid at the counter pronounce the name really slowly, so he could understand. So the kid said...

"B-U-R-G-E-R K-I-N-G."

Then there were the three guys from Espanola who were on "That's Incredible!" ...

Andinistaloco wrote:

lcarreau wrote:
# Hunting camels is prohibited.

Well, shit, I'm glad you told me that. There was a huge herd of camels just north of my house this morning, and I REALLY wanted to shoot one. Now I'm very glad I refrained. Is this a felony, or a misdemeanor?

I'm completely "dumbfounded" as far as giving up an answer. Speaking of giving things up..

An Arizonan, a New Mexican, and a Texan were traveling together. They were lost, night came upon them, and they happened upon a farm. The owner, a generous man, agreed to put them up for the night, but he had this to say:

"I only have two extra beds, so one of you will have to sleep in the barn."

Since no one on SP is ghey, the men decided who would take the barn. The New Mexican volunteered.

A little later, there was a knock on the door. The farmer answered, and on the doorstep was the New Mexican.

"My religion forbids me to sleep under the same roof as a cow," he said.

So the Texan went out to the barn.

Soon enough, there was a knock on the door, and on the doorstep stood the Texan.

"My religion forbids me to sleep under the same roof as a pig," he said.

So the Arizonan went out to the barn.

Soon enough, there was a knock on the door, and on the doorstep stood the cow and the pig.

A ventriloquist gets lost and needs quarters for the night. He finds a farmhouse and knocks on the door.

The owner is a little skeptical, but the ventriloquist works his charm.

"Hello," says the cow.

"I've been plucked for down products, which equal animal cruelty, and I have the sunburn to prove it," says the goose.

The farmer's son, a little Arizonan boy named AL, whitens and says, "If that sheep says anything, she's a goddam liar!"