A Petition to Outlaw SummitPorn

A Petition to Outlaw SummitPorn

Page Type Page Type: Article
Activities Activities: Mountaineering

The Battle Begins

That’s right, you could be doing anything like mowing the yard, killing ants and bugs or even messing with your gear, but NO. She or he walks in on you and finds you visiting SummitPost.org. Crap, caught again.

In the words of the great Bob Sihler,“At home, you try to visit SP only when your spouse isn’t looking (hence the term SummitPorn), and when he or she catches you, you get that look just like the one the dog does after it pees on the couch and gets scolded for it.”

I have no interest in trying to recreate a great paragraph like that. (Thank you Robert.)

So the battle begins. Why are you on that stupid SummitPorn (note my spouse uses that phrase—she loved Bob’s article) when you could be doing the things I asked you? My reply: Uh, I duuno?

She: “There ought to be a law against that stupid site. You are always on it and you get nothing done.” Me: “I will go for a climb or a hike then.”

Fat chance buddy. You are in the hot seat and you aint getting off it that easy.

Dancing with Crampons

Since joining SummitPost, I have met some WORLD Class People on the site and in person. I wrote an article that people got a kick out of and I have taken some fairly good photos. And I learned a new word, SummitPorn.

Additionally, I have had to re-learn everything from my military days like how to layer my clothing and pack my internal frame backpack with the proper essentials. And I have become addicted to gear. That’s right, another element of this sport that gets you addicted. That gear, oh I can’t contain myself. Just drop me off at REI or Benchmark and leave me. I will just shop all night long with a headlamp and sleep in one of the display tents on a 2.5 inch self-inflatable pad with a down zero-degree bag and eat mountain house for dinner.

And if you find millions of tiny little holes in the carpet the next morning, it’s because I tried on crampons and danced all night to the soundtrack of Saturday Night Fever.

Ok, back to the point. I am at work and my server won’t let me access Dingus Milktoast's page —it keeps calling it nudity. So I go to The Chief's page —blocked from that one because of profanity. Of course we can’t forget to mention the Kiefer Thomas famous self portrait that make company CIO’s cringe when they see it and hey, how do you explain to your wife that the Women of SummitPost's page album is important data that you are gathering for your next journey?

A new word for Wikipedia?

Pop ups? WE don’t need no stinking pop ups; our finger can click that mouse and open up Trip Reports, Articles, Pictures and have a conversation on the forums and PNP all at the same time

Well, maybe they have us after all. Say it isn’t so. PLEASE don’t outlaw SummitPorn. I don’t think I want to be in jail with some of the people on this site.

The following word and description will be submitted to Wikipedia:
“SummitPorn is the depiction of explicit mountaineering subject matter for the purpose of exciting the viewer. SummitPorn makes no claim to artistic merit, unlike erotica, which does.”

If a petition to outlaw SummitPorn crosses your path, rip it up, burn it, stuff it in your mouth and chew it up. I am certain that all NON SummitPost members who have a SummitPost Member in their house are pushing for this ban.

Meanwhile, did you know you can access SummitPost on your PDA phone like your Blackberry, Palm or iPhone?

Bow chica chica bow bow—what? Dang it, someone is coming—hurry, stuff it under the bed like the naughty book that it is. Oh, Hi Honey. She: “Oh don’t hi Honey me, you look guilty. Seriously? You have SP up on your Blackberry? I think its time we go find some professional help.

Rock on Brothers and Sisters!


Post a Comment
Viewing: 1-20 of 58

lcarreau - Aug 10, 2009 12:56 am - Voted 10/10

Fine Steve ...

But, perhaps you should add a few pictures ???

Why does the hot seat always have to be so hot?


Deltaoperator17 - Aug 10, 2009 11:22 am - Hasn't voted

Re: Fine Steve ...

Yea, thats my point, it all about the pictures with you Larry. I did add the Women of SummitPost link and Kiefer's disturbing profile in a bikini!

Cheers Brother


klwagar - Aug 10, 2009 10:36 am - Voted 10/10



I hadn't realized but i've been on this site since 2002. I can't imagine how many hours I've spent on this. The worst tho, is when you are sneeking a look at some route at work and you get busted. esp with that darn banner at top.


Deltaoperator17 - Aug 10, 2009 2:22 pm - Hasn't voted

Re: :)

Yes, they always say like "Meet Mountaineering Singles" or stuff like that.

And always at work or at home with my wife walking by. LOL


silversummit - Aug 10, 2009 6:54 pm - Voted 10/10

No problem with SummitPorn issues in my house

because he's too busy playing online games. I have ammunition!!!

Have you seen the grossly exaggerated female warrior figures on those games? And many of the female roles are played by men because they supposedly have more powers!!!!! Yuck!

Besides how am I supposed to get any work done if I don't get any 'cougar' inspiration?

Love the article! Glad I have a husband who lets me do what I want (camping, hiking etc.) including pitching tents in our family room and rolling sleeping bags up in the dining room and has for 38 years come August 14th!

Oh, forgot to add, that he already knows we are making a pilgrimage to REI's flagship store in Seattle on our trip to Washington state in a few days!


Deltaoperator17 - Aug 10, 2009 7:01 pm - Hasn't voted

Re: No problem with SummitPorn issues in my house

Thank you for the props and yes, my wife thinks its funny, but she does want me to to get off of it and go do some honey do's!!!


lcarreau - Aug 10, 2009 7:20 pm - Voted 10/10

Re: No problem with SummitPorn issues in my house

Wait till you get older. All you'll be doing is honey do's !!!


Luddite - Aug 10, 2009 10:55 pm - Voted 10/10


I get the same grief for looking at the USGS mapping program!


Deltaoperator17 - Aug 11, 2009 12:36 pm - Hasn't voted

Re: Nice...

Thats because you fall asleep on it like it was a rock you are licking...LMAO!


Deltaoperator17 - Aug 11, 2009 1:11 pm - Hasn't voted

Re: shhhh

Ok, I thought you was unemployed, I will be quiet! I wont tell.


lcarreau - Aug 11, 2009 9:12 pm - Voted 10/10

Excuse me ...

Mister Steve? Could you please attach my "Mollies Nipple" photo
to your amazing article.

It's '345975.' That's the image number. lol.....Thanks!


Deltaoperator17 - Aug 12, 2009 5:49 pm - Hasn't voted

Re: Excuse me ...

Done, I hope everyone clicks on the links within the article, I think Keifer's picutre is one of the most disturbing we have on this site.


gimpilator - Aug 11, 2009 9:43 pm - Voted 10/10


I know the guilty feeling. If I am not in the mountains, I am on the computer planning my next trip, switching back and forth between SummitPost and my mapping program. It's sad to admit but I probably average 1 or 2 hours a day on SummitPost. My non-mountaineering friends have been complaining that I'm "always gone in the mountains" and don't spend enough time with them. This leads me to ask the question "What do you do when your friend and family relationships start interfering with mountaineering trips?"


Deltaoperator17 - Aug 12, 2009 5:55 pm - Hasn't voted

Re: Hilarious

Interfere? That Adam is a whole other subject. My first instinct is they can go pound sand, my second one is why you have any friends that don’t share the love of mountains with you and finally I am glad you chimed in., it was you that came up with the phrase “Hooking in the Mountains” right? Well that sounds like another piece somebody needs to explore.

We really do need to know if that is legal in all States (we already know it is in Nevada).

Thanks for the props and the vote, this article makes me laugh also.


yatsek - Aug 12, 2009 5:17 am - Voted 10/10


"If a petition to outlaw SummitPorn crosses your path, rip it up, burn it, stuff it in your mouth and chew it up."

OK - I will! (But I only view Summiterotica:))


Deltaoperator17 - Aug 12, 2009 6:00 pm - Hasn't voted

Re: If

Yes Jacek, I hope it does not make it to Eastern Europe, I am certian you will defend it! LOL



MoapaPk - Aug 12, 2009 11:31 am - Voted 10/10

wife doesn't care

She just asks me occasionally who I am e-mailing.


Deltaoperator17 - Aug 12, 2009 6:04 pm - Hasn't voted

Re: wife doesn't care

Of course she cares, it just doesn’t bother her right? With someone who jumps as high as you do I can’t imagine anyone giving you grief.

Thanks for the vote my Second Chance Survivor Brother


ZeeJay - Aug 12, 2009 4:52 pm - Voted 10/10

Good article

I think spouses should want each other to be happy and are selfish when they try to take their partner away from something he/she likes.


Deltaoperator17 - Aug 12, 2009 6:06 pm - Hasn't voted

Re: Good article

Well mine does however she does like to give me grief and use the word SummitPorn...LOL

Thank you sister Z


Viewing: 1-20 of 58



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